


All that is gold does not glitter

by Rangergirl3



Series: From the Ashes [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keith (Voltron) Whump, Nothing graphic but it is referred to, Team as Family, Team whump, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-08-27 23:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rangergirl3/pseuds/Rangergirl3
Summary: Keith isn't what most would call a 'people' person, but that doesn't stop him from caring about his team.akaFive Times the other Paladins learned something about Keith, and the One Time he learned something about them.





	1. What you don't know can kill you

**Author's Note:**

> It seems that after two years, Keith Whump is still 99% of what I write (and I'm okay with that :-))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While dropping off medical supplies, Hunk and Keith find out that the locals do not like the Galra. At all.

There was so much _noise_.

Hunk didn't want to listen to what the crowd was shouting, but it wasn't like ignoring it could make situation was any worse.

Ignoring the chaos wouldn't make the clock go backwards, or keep him and Keith from getting caught by the _very_ angry group of aliens who were  _convinced_ the two of them were spies for the Galra Empire.

* * *

The day had started well. Hunk and Keith had dropped off the medical supplies like they were supposed to. There had even been a group of happy, smiling, cheering aliens crowded around their shuttle, waiting to wave them goodbye.

Everything had been fine - right up until one of the village leaders had insisted on giving them each some kind of wreath, woven from one of the native plants. Hunk wasn't sure if it was supposed to be used in cooking, or if it was more like a 'laurel wreath of victory' kind of thing, but he'd smiled and bowed anyway, and gestured for Keith to do the same thing, just to be polite. 

Keith hadn't seemed particularly thrilled about it, but he'd also accepted one of the wreaths, nodding in acknowledgement to the kid that handed it to him. As the kid continued to grin up at him, the Red Paladin seemed uncertain of what to say.

"Um...thank you..?" He tried.

The kid bounced up and down on her toes, smiling widely.

"You're welcome!"

She puffed her chest out proudly. 

"I picked them _all_ _by_ _myself_!"

Keith nodded again. He raised one hand and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, switching hands to hold the wreath at his side.

"...that's cool. Um...so, what are they called?"

Inwardly, Hunk grimaced. 

 _Couldn't Keith at least **try** to smile? _ _After all, the entire point of things like this were to show people that the Paladins of Voltron were **friendly**._

Thankfully, the kid didn't seem to mind. She just pointed up at the sky, her blue eyes flashing in the sunlight.

"Sky Song. It protects us from the -"

She broke off, her posture changing from carefree to cautious in a matter of moments.

"...um...from...the..."

Sensing something was wrong, Hunk turned to see Keith staring down at the fingers of his right hand. He seemed startled, and now the kid who had handed Keith the wreath was backing away, clearly afraid of _something_.

Silence began to ripple outwards. Hunk still didn't understand what the big deal was.

"Keith? What's wrong?"

At the sound of his name, Keith half-turned to face Hunk, dropping the woven wreath as he did so. His expression was confused, his pupils strangely dilated. Someone nearby let out an angry shout, even as Hunk's eyes darted to the back of Keith's neck, where he saw that the skin was laced with angry red welts.

__Oh, no._ _

Without hesitation, Hunk tore the wreath off from around his own neck, threw it aside, and moved towards Keith, only to have his path blocked by several of the strongest villagers, their faces no longer smiling.

"Let me through - my friend needs help - "

Hands gripped Hunk's shoulders.

"It seems that your _friend_ is not what he appears to be."

_Oh shit._

Other villagers already surrounded Keith, but the Red Paladin's wasn't acting like himself at all. On a normal day, he'd have already unsheathed his bayard and begun kicking ass.

But not today.

Today, he's just _standing_ there, staring at the faces all around him in confusion...or even _fear_. 

Hunk doesn't think he's ever seen Keith look this _afraid_ before.

* * *

 That had been when everything went from bad to worse.

As it turned out, the 'Sky Song' plant served two purposes. Not only was it the local symbol for victory and good luck, but it was also naturally toxic to the Galra. Since Keith was only part-Galra, the deadly effects would be delayed - but not for long. Even so, Hunk shuddered to think about what might have happened if Keith had put the wreath around his neck. 

 Before either of them could even blink, they'd been dragged into the village square. 

When Hunk tried to explain the situation, it only made the aliens angrier, especially when he told them that Keith was a full Paladin of Voltron and the Princess of Altea could confirm what he'd said.

* * *

_Earlier_

Even as the wreath ceremony began, Keith tried to keep track of what was going on.

He didn't like this. There were too many people, too much noise. The villagers shouldn't be this close to the shuttle, not when the Paladins were just about to take-off. Someone could get hurt -

A hand tugged at his sleeve. When he looked down, he saw that a kid was holding up a wreath, woven out of flowers.

_Uh. What?_

From a few yards away, Hunk made a gesture to accept it. 

_Oh. Um, okay._

Keith took it, hoping he wouldn't drop it or crush it, because _that_ wouldn't be good. It was clearly some kind of gift, so, that meant he should be careful with it and take it to Allura or Coran once they got back, so they could store it somewhere - even if the leaves made his skin itch and the flowers smelled faintly musty and much too sweet.

The kid was talking, but Keith's mind wandered. He scratched the back of his neck.

The crowd seemed to be heading away from the shuttle. That was good. More room for take-off.

_His neck hurt._

Keith raised his hand to scratch it again, but caught sight of his fingers. They were bleeding from a dozen tiny cuts, and the cuts looked - infected.

_What...?_

Someone called his name, but when Keith looked up, he didn't recognize any of the faces around him. None of them were smiling anymore. Several members of the surrounding crowd were backing away, pulling their kids behind them.

_What was...going on?_

Danger.

These people were afraid.

_Something dangerous was nearby._

It hurt to turn his head from side to side - _why did his neck hurt so badly_ \- but Keith ground his teeth together and did it anyway, searching for what could be causing such fear.

It wasn't until someone grabbed hold of his shoulders that Keith realized that the people were afraid of _him_.

_But - that didn't - make any sense - he hadn't done anything to frighten them - had he?_

Maybe he'd frightened someone by accident. When Keith tried to remember, his head ached. 

_Was another migraine coming on? Had his eyes changed again?_

That might be why they were scared.

_It scared him too._

* * *

The grip on his shoulders shifted. Someone pulled his hands behind his back and began wrapping his wrists with some kind of cord, the harsh movements causing the blistered skin to tear. Keith let out a startled cry of pain and tried to twist away, but to no avail. Whoever was tying his wrists together just forced him down onto his knees and yanked harder on the cords, and it hurt enough to make Keith want to cry.

_No, he couldn't cry. Not here, not now, not **ever**. It only made things worse._

Someone gripped him by the upper arm and hauled him back onto his feet, growling at him to get moving. Keith's head swam in pain and confusion, his heart beating harder than it needed to.

When he didn't immediately start walking, someone snarled in disgust and pushed him forwards, causing him to stumble. Keith tried to catch his balance, but without the use of his arms, he fell to one knee, nearly crashing into a few people in the crowd.

"Don't let him near you!"

_He felt so dizzy. His eyes ached._

 

"Get **up**!"

_\- I'm - **trying -**_

 

Keith raised his head in time to see the kid who had given him the wreath recoil away from him, a look of very real fear in her eyes as she stared at his face.

_They were all so **scared** of him._

"I'm - I'm sorry," Keith stammered. "I didn't -"

 

Then hands gripped his arm again, dragging him upright and pulling him forwards. This time, whoever was holding him didn't let go.

When a path opened up before them, Keith tried to keep his eyes fixed on the ground as he was pulled closer to a large, open area.

* * *

Someone said his name, but it was difficult to make out individual voices.

Everything was so loud. 

Everyone was so _mad_.

 

"I _told_ you - he's _not_ a spy -"

 

Hunk. That was Hunk.

_Were these people mad at Hunk, too?_

 

_They shouldn't be angry with the Yellow Paladin._

 

But when Keith tried to tell them so, the people around him just ignored him.

 

 _They're not listening to you,_ the voice in his head told him. 

 

A dull weight settled somewhere in Keith's chest. It was an old ache, something so familiar that it didn't do anything to distract him from the burning pain creeping over his skin, across the palms of his hands and along the back of his neck.

 

_No one will **ever** listen to you. _

 

_Yeah. I know._

* * *

Hunk still argued with the village leader. Keith wished he could help, but he was far more likely to cause additional difficulty, so instead, he remained quiet and kept his eyes on the ground by his feet even as he was dragged to a spot several yards away from Hunk.

Now that they had stopped walking, the grip on Keith's shoulders didn't loosen their hold. If anything, the fingers only tightened their grip.

At that, something - a memory - tugged at the back of Keith's mind. A bad one. A really bad one.

 _No. No, please, not now_.

Keith swallowed, tried to keep his breathing calm and even. 

 

It was a bad memory, but it was nothing new.

He'd lived with it for years, he could do this, he would just have to handle it like he normally did.

 

He wasn't back there. It was fine. 

_It wasn't night, it was day._

_He wasn't inside, he was outside._

But - his chest ached.  

_It felt like he couldn't breathe._

 

_He couldn't get enough air._

 

The fear, as instinctual and as real as the day he'd first experienced it, stirred deep inside his chest.

_No, not now, not now, **please** not now -_

Hunk was insisting that Keith wasn't a spy, and that one of the villagers could go ahead and call Allura, because all of this was  **crazy** \- but that was all Keith heard before all the sounds and sights in front of him were torn away, leaving him in pitch-black darkness.

* * *

Immediately, ingrained terror screamed and clawed its way to the forefront of Keith's mind, and he froze into place, his breath coming harsh and shallow.

_He knew it wouldn't keep the monsters away. It never did. But maybe - just maybe  - **this** time it would work. Maybe, this time, they wouldn't find him._

The fingertips gripping his shoulder dug deeper into his skin. Keith swallowed back a cry of fear.

_His heart continued to pound as if he'd just run a mile. Sweat beaded his face. It was getting harder and harder to get enough air. All he wanted to do was rest._

But he couldn't rest. 

It wasn't safe to rest.

Not _ever_.

* * *

Once Hunk  _finally_ convinced the leader to call Allura, he figured that as bad as the situation was, at least things were going to be sorted out soon.

The Yellow Paladin had just opened up the comms channel and finished updating Allura of the situation when he realized that the aliens surrounding Keith had taken several steps away from the Red Paladin, muttering among themselves as if confused, or possibly even distancing themselves from something distasteful.

_Oh, that is **it**. These jerks have just taken 'fantastic racism' to a whole new level._

Growling in irritation, Hunk slapped the communicator into one of the village leader's hands and turned towards the Red Paladin.

What he saw made him freeze in shock.

Keith was on the ground, and he was - 

He was convulsing.

Hunk didn't even think twice. Even as he leapt forwards, he bellowed for Allura to get a pod ready, _now._ Any alien still in his way was shoved aside. 

By the time he reached Keith, the convulsions were mostly over, but Hunk didn't waste any time in moving his friend into the recovery position.

"Come on, Keith," Hunk said. "Come on. Hang in there."

When the Yellow Paladin turned Keith onto his side, Hunk's normally friendly face grew dark with rage.

"Okay. _Now_ I'm angry."

From behind him, Allura's voice echoed from the hand-held communicator. 

_"Hunk, what is it? What's wrong?"_

"It's -"

Hunk had to count to ten before he finished the sentence. Even as he did so, he cut Keith's hands free, being careful not to touch the broken, burned, and bleeding skin.

"They - they shoved him around - and - they - uh - they tied him up. They just - they just went straight to treating him like a dangerous threat, Allura. Because of a freaking _custom_."

Behind him, Allura's voice sounded over the communicator, her words sharp, harsh, and furious.

_"That is **unacceptable**. Tell me, is he badly injured? Aside from his exposure to the toxin?"_

Hunk swallowed. "I don't know. He had a seizure. Could be from the poison, could be from something else. Either way, he's getting worse. I need to get him back to the Castle, but I don't want to move him yet. Give me a minute to make sure he's stable. Then I'm bringing him to you."

_"No need. We're on our way to your coordinates now. Coran, ready a pod. Full detoxification protocol."_

_"Yes, Princess."_

When the village leader tried to interject, Hunk heard Allura's brief but vehemently effective use of language - some of which was not quite as diplomatic as it was passionate - that shut down any argument about her landing the Castle wheresoever she damn well pleased in order to save the Red Paladin's life.

In all honestly, she really wasn't very diplomatic at all. 

But for once, Hunk didn't care in the slightest.

* * *

When Keith opened his eye, the first thing he saw was Hunk's anxious face, hovering nearby.

Hunk's worried expression softened.

"Hey, Keith. You okay?"

Keith couldn't sort out why he wouldn't be okay. Then he looked down and saw that his hands were wrapped in some kind of medical gauze, and bits and pieces of memory came back to him. 

_Allura was coming._

"...how long...?" he asked. Even as he did, blue lights raced across the sky. 

Hunk smiled.

"Not long. Coran says he can get your hands back to normal in no time at all, once we uh - you know - make sure the toxin's out of your system."

Keith grunted and tried to sit up. "That sounds like fun."

The Yellow Paladin's smile faded slightly. "You should probably stay on your side, Keith. You, uh - fell down. I don't want to risk anything else making you feel worse. You already look like ten miles of bad road."

Reluctantly, Keith stopped trying to sit up. "...fine..."

Hunk glanced to one side, as if nervous or anxious about what he was going to say.

 

"Keith? Do you...uh...do you remember anything? About after -  after you fell down?"

The Red Paladin had closed his eyes, but at the question, he opened them again. The look he gave Hunk was a careful one. After a time, he answered, his words careful.

"You keep saying I fell down."

Hunk fidgeted. "Yeah. I mean, you did."

Keith glanced around. "And we're in a field."

Hunk shifted his balance. "Yeah."

Keith rested his head back on the ground again, wincing as he did so.

"So...clearly I didn't fall off a cliff or something."

Hunk shook his head.

Keith let out a quiet sigh. "Let me guess. Convulsions, right?"

Hunk glanced back at him. "Kinda. I mean, I think so."

Keith let out a tired breath through his nose and closed his eyes again. " _Dammit_."

Hunk shifted his weight again. "I just want to make sure you're okay, man. Like, do you think it was it the toxin, or - like, epilepsy, or something I can watch out for? You know, in the future?"

Keith slowly shook his head, his eyes still closed. "No. It's - look, I -"

He broke off. Hunk waited. The sounds of the Castle landing in a nearby valley rolled across the field.

When Keith spoke again, he sounded...tired.

"It's something that happens from time to time, but it's not - it's not epilepsy. Just..."

One of his hands clenched into a fist before he continued, speaking just a little too quickly.

"Just - bad memories. From a long time ago. Shiro knows about - about the details. Helped me through it."

Hunk chanced a quick glance at Keith's face. The Red Paladin wasn't really looking at him, but Hunk gave a quick nod anyway, to let Keith know he'd understood. 

From a distance, they could see Allura and Coran settling the Castleship down into the valley.

* * *

There was a brief silence, and then Keith said, in a rush,

"But I don't - I don't want anyone else to know, okay? I don't want them to worry. It's not a big deal. It's fine."

Hunk looked back at Keith in startled surprise. The Red Paladin's shoulders were tense, and his eyes had an almost desperate look.

" _Promise_ me you won't tell anyone - especially Lance. I know you two are close, but - "

Hunk hastened to reassure him.

"Sure thing, Keith. I promise. I got your back." 

Even as he made the promise to Keith, Hunk made another promise to himself.

He was going to do everything he could to keep something like this from happening again.


	2. In Harm's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is caught by an alien who needs a test subject, willing or not.
> 
> Keith interferes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance could be wrong, but he's fairly certain this alien doctor has never heard of the phrase 'do no harm'.
> 
> So why does it seem like Keith is doing his very best to piss the guy off?

The day began just like any other day aboard the Castle. Lance woke up, went through his normal morning routine, and sauntered down to breakfast just in time to see Keith leaving the dining room. The Blue Paladin grinned, greeting Keith like he always did.

"Hey there, Mullet."

He saw that Keith was in the outfit he always wore when he trained - black t-shirt, black pants, knife sheathed at the small of his back.

"Off to training already?"

As usual, Keith's only response was to shrug and keep walking, passing wordlessly by him and continuing down the hallway.

Lance frowned in annoyance. He _hated_ it when people ignored him. 

" _Fine_ ," he mumbled, mostly to himself. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he ducked into the dining room, muttering under his breath.

"Sure, fine, _whatever_ , play the cool lone wolf card, why _don't_ you, _Keith_ , with your _stupid_ obsession with being the perfect _fighter_ and the perfect _pilot_ and the ultimate  _pain_ in the a-"

From across the table, Hunk sighed. "Sounds like someone needs their coffee."

Lance grumped and groused his way to where the mugs were kept. "I'll bet _Keith_ doesn't _need_ coffee in the morning."

Pidge didn't even glance up from her keyboard as she responded. "I think that he's actually more of a tea person."

She shuddered once, as if in horror. " _Yegh_."

As Lance sipped his coffee, he snorted in agreement. Hunk, on the other hand, just sighed to himself, added more purple mini-marshmellows into his morning hot chocolate, and said nothing at all.

* * *

A few vargas later, the Castle received various distress calls. As was protocol, the Paladins were sent off in pairs to answer the pleas for help. Since Red was down for repairs, Keith took a pod down to the planet's surface. Lance was to meet him there.

Just after Lance landed his Lion, he met with a tall and seemingly friendly alien who shook his hand, introducing himself as the planet's leading medical researcher who was trying to synthesize a cure for an illness that was spreading among his people.

"I hope you'll be able to help me with this most important task, Paladin," he said, gesturing for Lance to follow him into what seemed like a medical facility. "For now, we've been able to minimize the severity of the symptoms, but due to the nature of the disease, finding a cure is of the utmost importance."

Lance nodded. "So, what's this disease do?"

The doctor grimaced. "It affects the senses - particularly one's sight."

Inwardly, Lance gulped. He was _really_ glad he'd kept his Paladin's armor and helmet sealed after he landed. The last thing he wanted to do was to put his sharpshooting skills needlessly at risk, especially by accident. A lot of times, he felt like was the only area that he could actually could contribute something special to the team.

But he wasn't about to just walk away from people who needed help, either. He'd do whatever he could to lend a hand.

Keith wasn't in sight yet, so Lance decided he should just head on into the facility after the doctor - or reasearcher, or whatever he was - and see what he might be able to do to help.

So, as he walked down a hallway that seemed eerily quiet and empty, Lance shrugged the feeling of impending doom off as a simple case of nerves.

Later on, when the 'medical researcher' stepped out of the room, and a few seconds later Lance began to feel dizzy, he realized he should have paid better attention to his instincts. 

* * *

When he managed to open his eyes again, all Lance could do for the first few moments of consciousness was stare up at the ceiling.

_What the hell had just happened?_

_There were so many bright lights glaring down into his eyes...and..._ _Blue was growling..._

_Something was wrong._

He tried to raise a hand to rub at his eyes, but something prevented him. Looking down, Lance realized that he was strapped down to an...

An operating table.

_Oh **shit**._

The alien stepped back into Lance's view. He'd put on some kind of white coat. 

"Ah, you're awake. That's good. I was beginning to think I'd used too much sedative on you."

Lance glared back up at him. 

"What do you think you're doing?!"

The alien blinked back down at him from behind a pair of small glasses. It was a disturbingly empty gesture.

"I told you. I'm going to find a cure - and for that, I need a test subject."

Lance gulped. 

_Oh, **great**. I'm in the lair of a crazy doctor, and it's not even lunchtime._

He tried not to show how frightened he was.

"How did you - how did you manage to knock me out?"

The doctor's eyes gleamed.

"Remember how we shook hands when I introduced myself?"

Lance thought back. 

"Uh...yeah..."

The doctor shrugged, reaching up to adjust his spectacles.

"Even the toughest armor has its weakness."

When Lance looked down the length of his body, he could see a tiny tear in the fabric of his right glove.

_Left there by a needle, maybe?_

The thought made him shiver even as the doctor continued.

"I assure you, there's been no permanent damage done to your circulatory system."

From somewhere nearby, Lance felt the force of Blue's anger. It caused a brief surge of hope to rise up in him. He managed a shaky sneer back up at the alien.

"Yeah...well," he drawled. "See, that might be the case, but Blue's still about three seconds away from stomping you into the ground like a bug."

He twitched his fingers. 

"So unless you want to be a two-dimensional pancake, _get me out these cuffs_."

The alien yawned.

The Blue Paladin ignored the fear that flashed through him.

"Come on, Mr. Hyde. Hup hup, double time. Blue's playing nice for now, but she won't be for lo-"

The doctor turned back to a tray of medical instruments, speaking almost distractedly over his shoulder.

"Hmm. Yes, your Lion. A fascinating connection. I'll have to study that too, once I've found the cure."

Lance gulped, but he kept talking. 

"Yeah, see, I doubt you have that kind of time, _pal_."

The alien turned to face him again, an almost pitying smile on his face.

"The thing is," he said. "I do."

Lance heard Blue snarl again. 

"What do you -"

"Once we were inside, I activated the barrier protocol. Any attempt to enter this facility will result in complete immolation of everyone inside - starting with this room."

Lance gulped. 

_Oh._

So...if Blue, or Keith tried to come for him...he'd die before they could do anything to help.

_Oh, this was bad. This was very, very bad._

* * *

The scariest thing about this entire situation (although there were plenty to pick from) was that the doctor remained utterly convinced that this entire process was only going to be a mild inconvenience for Lance.

"Think of the good you're helping me accomplish," he said, preparing the first injection. "Helping to curing an entire planet. That's well worth some small level of discomfort, temporary or otherwise. Besides, I'm certain my cure will work. It's likely you won't even notice any symptoms of the disease before my cure clears it from your system."

Lance thought about screaming and trying to get free, but it wasn't like anyone was going to hear him. His helmet was on a table on the other side of the room. Although he still wore most of his armor, the doctor had managed to cut away some of the black flight suit on Lance's left arm, near the elbow, exposing a small, roughly triangular section where it would be easiest to administer injections.

_Shit, shit, **shit**._

* * *

A flash of movement from the hallway outside caught Lance's attention. The doctor hadn't noticed. He was just finishing with the necessary preparations.

"You'll feel some discomfort at first," he said. "But it should fade quickly. The effects...well, that's why I'm testing it. We'll get to see what happens. Or at least, I will."

He chuckled at his own joke. Lance didn't. If anything, the whole exchange only made him feel queasy. But he mustered up what little bravado he could and replied as acerbically as he knew how.

"Yeah, you keep using that word. I _really_ don't think it means what you think it means."

The doctor glanced up at Lance, frowning. "I don't understand what you're saying."

Lance shrugged. "You won't need to."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Red Paladin move in for the kill.

* * *

In Lance's opinion, he had never seen anyone move as quickly as Keith did then.

But it still wasn't quick enough.

Mid-way through the attack, the alien doctor sighed, placed the syringe on a side table, turned, and side-stepped, avoiding the blade even as it swung towards his throat.

" _Enough_ ," he said, and he sounded almost annoyed. "I'm _trying_ to conduct important research."

So saying, he drew back his arm and then slammed a fist into Keith's chest. It connected with enough force to crack the armor, causing the Red Paladin to stagger backwards.

The alien used the opportunity to force Keith further off-balance. In the same instant, he gripped Keith's right wrist and bent it backwards. There was an ugly snapping sound, followed by a scream of pain as the doctor twisted the Red Paladin's bad arm up behind his back and shoved him face-first against a nearby wall.

"Remain still," the alien said. True to form, Keith ignored him. He tried to kick out at the doctor, but the alien avoided the attack with almost insulting ease, wrenching off the Red Paladin's helmet and throwing it to one side.

"I won't repeat myself," the alien said. He took out a pair of seamless magnetic cuffs and secured Keith's wrists behind his back. "Remain. Still."

When Keith stubbornly tried to plant his feet and push away from the wall, something in the doctor's posture changed. 

"I did warn you," he said, and Lance felt real danger emanating from the alien now, even though he hadn't raised his voice.

Then he grabbed hold of the Red Paladin's hair and _slammed_  the side of Keith's head against the wall.

 _Once_.

The heavy impact rattled a few of the framed pictures hanging over the desk.

 _Twice_. 

The Red Paladin made a sound that might have been a groan of pain.

 _Thrice_.

Keith's entire body went limp, and the doctor took a pace back, straightening his white coat even as the Red Paladin collapsed bonelessly onto the floor.

"Finally," he said, turning back towards Lance. "Let's begin."

* * *

For a moment, Lance just stared at the still figure on the ground. When he pictured what the force of the blows might have done to Keith's skull, he wanted to throw up.

_His friend might never wake up again._

"I did warn him," the doctor said. He sounded impatient. "He chose not to listen."

The cold, uncaring reason of the words snapped Lance out of his trance. He began trying to fight his way free again.

"You're a fucking _bastard_!" he snarled. "You're a - a complete -  _jackass_ -"

The doctor huffed out a breath. "Now really. Try to have some composure."

When the doctor came to stand by him, Lance turned his face away and squeezed his eyes tight shut. 

_He wouldn't cry. He **wouldn't**. _

* * *

The first time Keith tried to open his eyes, he found it a much more difficult task than it should have been. In the end, he settled for opening just one. Even with just that one eye open, his vision spun and whirled, but he could still make out two forms nearby.

_Everything was tilted. He must be lying on his side._

The first form - the alien - was tying something around Lance's right arm. Lance - was - farther away - but Keith thought that maybe the Blue Paladin was shaking. His head was turned away from the doctor, and he wasn't making any of his usual jokes or comments or anything.

_Lance was scared._

"Think of the medical history you're making," the alien said. He clearly didn't care that Lance was terrified of what was going to happen. 

_Bastard._

Keith wanted to help, but he wasn't sure what to do.

_It wasn't like he could get up and tackle the maniac, or shove Lance out of the way._

Then the alien absent-mindedly reached for one of the two syringes on a nearby side table, and inspiration hit.

Grinding his teeth together, Keith focused his remaining energy and kicked out at the table leg nearest to him.

He almost missed the first time, and the side table only shuddered. Even so, the syringes jolted at the impact, rolling a few precious millimeters closer to the table's edge.

 _Good_.

But the disturbance hadn't gone unnoticed. Even now, the doctor was turning to frown down at Keith again.

"I don't have _time_ for this," the doctor said. He sounded truly frustrated now, and Lance shrank away from him again.

Images flashed through Keith's mind faster than he could name them.

_Lance, hurt. Lance, scared. Lance, alone._

Even as the alien reached out for the nearest syringe, Keith closed his mind to the likely consequences of what he was about to do, and kicked out again. This time, the fragile table leg took the full impact of the strike. With an almost graceful motion, the table overbalanced, and both syringes fell and shattered into pieces on the cold hard floor.

* * *

The sound of breaking glass startled Lance into opening his eyes again.

The doctor was frowning down at Keith, and from the expression on his face, Lance figured that Keith must have woken up and done something annoying.

Then he realized that the side table by the bed was overturned. The syringes were gone.

_...what...?_

The doctor's expression was cold. 

"You _do_ realize," he said, "that the syringes you just broke did  _not_ contain the last of the formula I plan to test?"

Keith's brief glare was almost smug.

"Actually," he growled, "It _did_."

The alien froze into place. It was as if he was made of ice.

Keith went on, and Lance could swear that the Red Paladin was trying to antagonize their enemy.

"See, I figured you had more of this stuff lying around. So I went and found your research lab."

The alien's eyes grew cold. 

"I left your notes alone," Keith continued. "Hell, for all I know, you _are_ close to a cure. But as for those vials you had stored away in that side room?"

The Red Paladin's voice went quiet. "The so-called 'cures' that killed your other test subjects? The formula your colleagues terminated research on? The same formula you were going to try on Lance?"

Lance stiffened, looking back towards the doctor, who didn't move a muscle.

Keith's voice turned into a snarl.

"I smashed every _single_ _one_. You'll have to start from scratch if you want to brew more of your poison. Judging from your notes, it'll take you, what - a month?"

The alien's hand fell away from Lance's arm as he turned to look down at Keith. When the mad doctor spoke, it was very cold, very quiet, and very deadly.

"Yes. It will."

So saying, he stepped forwards, putting one foot on Keith's chest and leaned forwards, applying pressure downwards so that the Red Paladin lay flat against the ground, his arms trapped underneath him at the small of his back.

"And _that_ means," the alien continued, his voice still very quiet, "that others in my field will have completed their research before I do."

Keith's face went pale. He tried to move, perhaps to take some of the weight off of his broken wrist, but the alien only applied more pressure. The Red Paladin's expression twisted as he let out a sharp groan of pain.

 " _Stop it_!" Lance shouted, trying to get free. " _Stop it_!"

The alien ignored the Blue Paladin, keeping his attention firmly fixed on Keith.

"Your impulsive little action, _Paladin_ , has cost me the opportunity of the _century_."

The alien reached down and gripped Keith's chin, forcing the Red Paladin to stare straight into his eyes. Whatever Keith saw there was enough to make him try and turn his own eyes away, but the alien wrenched Keith's chin to the front, forcing Keith to maintain eye contact.

"I've always done my best to refrain from coming in second to the competition." The alien continued, his voice rising slightly. Anger, and what might have been a tide of rising rage, caused the words to come out harsh and shrill.

"For, as you _must_ know, in _every_ competition, the winners bask in fame and glory, while the losers gain _nothing_."

On the last word, Lance saw the alien's grip tighten, and the fingertips sank into Keith's skin. Blood began to stream down the sides of Keith's face, and he quickly shut his eyes, clearly trying to block out whatever madness he saw blazing out from behind the doctor's carefully maintained calm.

That last act of defiance seemed to snap the doctor's last threads of self-control. The next words were more of a screeching howl than intelligible speech, and with every word, the alien slammed the back of Keith's head against the floor, the last one with enough force to rattle the medical instruments on the tray nearby.

"And I do _not._ _enjoy._ **_losing_!**"

* * *

Keith kept his eyes closed. Someone was screaming into his ear, but that wasn't anything new...even though it used to scare him...

_Who was he kidding._

_It still did._

_It still meant someone was mad at him._

Whoever was shrieking into Keith's face decided he wasn't listening, so they grabbed hold of his hair and shook his head from side to side, as if to _make_ him listen. Pain rebounded through his skull, but the yelling was worse, and Keith wished he could just find somewhere quiet to _hide_ so that whoever this was would just leave him alone. 

_What had he done this time?_

_He couldn't remember._

Whoever was in front of Keith got tired of trying to get through to him, so they just snarled and threw him to one side, and he couldn't keep from letting out a harsh cry of pain as he crumpled back onto the floor. When he tried to break his fall, he found that he couldn't use his hands. When he hit the ground, all the air left his lungs in a harsh exhale, which meant he had no air left to scream as his right wrist exploded into agony as it hit the floor.

_He must have done something really bad._

_Shit._

_He couldn't **remember**._ 

Whoever was mad at him was still furious. Angry footsteps reverberated through the floor near him. Keith tried to curl in on himself, tried to take up as little space as possible.

_Maybe, if he stayed very still, and very quiet, the person would leave him alone._

But it didn't work out that way. The voice went on and on, and although Keith only caught one word in five, none of it sounded good. 

_Something about 'the punishment fitting the crime'..._

_What crime? What had he **done**?_ 

He wanted to ask, but he was too afraid. They'd realize he hadn't been listening, and they would scream at him again, and his head already hurt too much. 

Then a different voice cut in, but for some reason, Keith didn't think that the other person was mad at him.

_But that didn't make any sense._

_Why would someone...here...not be mad at him?_

Just then, he was hauled back into a sitting position, then shoved a few feet to the side, into what might have been the corner of the room. Something grabbed hold of his injured wrist and  _twisted_  it, and the pain was bad enough to make Keith open his eyes and look up.

_It was so difficult to keep his eyes open._

His head ached, and he could feel blood running down from one ear. 

An alien stood over him, and it was smiling. It wasn't a nice smile, though. It was the kind of smile that sharks and crocodiles gave their prey, right before they ate them. 

"Let's see how you like having your senses taken away, shall we?"

At first, Keith didn't understand. 

_How could someone take his senses away?_

Then the alien reached towards Keith's face, and a few seconds later, it was a lot harder to breathe. When Keith tried to take in a deep breath, he found that he couldn't open his mouth all the way.

_He'd been gagged._

Pure terror spiked through him, but he couldn't do anything except look frantically around the room for some way out. There was a door, but it was _way_ on the other side of the room. It was the only exit, and the alien was standing right in front of him. From somewhere nearby, the second voice was shouting now, almost screaming.

"Keith! Keith, are you okay?! Say something!"

Just for a moment, clarity returned. 

_Lance. Lance was here too._

Keith wanted to answer his friend, he did, but there was no way he could manage it. 

The alien, still smiling that cold, empty smile, adjusted something around Keith's head, and then all sound cut out.

The Red Paladin felt his heart leap into panicked overdrive as the sound of Lance's voice vanished.

_No...please, no._

The alien's mouth twitched, as if in laughter, and he turned his head to one side, saying something to Lance, who only just now was visible behind the doctor. Keith couldn't read lips very well, but even through the panic and confusion, he could guess what the doctor was saying.

_I don't think he can hear you._

When the Blue Paldadin looked back at Keith, Lance's expression was devastated. Keith saw Lance say something, and _that,_ he could make out.

_I'm so sorry._

Anger, an old, familiar kind of power, flared up in Keith's heart.

_Lance was crying._

That wasn't fair.

_Lance had **nothing** to be sorry for. It was this piece of shit asshole who should be sorry. _

Something stubborn re-ignited inside Keith's chest, and he snarled and tried to kick out at the jackass doctor who clearly had _no_ idea what constituted acceptable medical ethics. The alien avoided the kick, stepped forwards, and struck Keith across the face. 

The blow caused Keith's ears to ring, and he had to close his eyes against the wave of nausea and dizziness that overwhelmed him.

Even as he did so, something was pulled tight across his eyes, and when Keith tried to wrest his face away, all he got for his trouble was another blow across the other side of the face.

The second blow caused him to lurch sideways, colliding with the wall on his left. Even though he tried not to make any noise, Keith still let out a muffled scream of agony when strong fingers grabbed hold of his injured wrist and squeezed tight around the broken bones.

_No sight. No sound. No speech._

It was hard to do, but Keith tried his best to keep from falling into the darkness.

 _There was someone else here. Someone who knew his name_. 

He wasn't about to pass out and leave Lance alone with this jackass.

* * *

 Lance's mind was a whirl of panic.

 _Keith was hurt. He was really, **really** hurt._ 

He could still hear Blue, feel her anger and her fear, and he decided that it was worth risking everything in one move.

_So **what** about the failsafe?_

_Keith's life was worth the risk._

"BLUE!" He screamed. "BLUE, **GET IN HERE**!"

Even as he shouted to her, he concentrated on the fury and desperation deep inside him. He felt cold, elemental power rise up inside him, and he directed it at the restraints holding him in place.

Even as they shattered into shards of glass, there was a roar that shook the very ground beneath them.

The alien only had time to turn around and gape at the sight of the Blue Lion of Voltron shooting ice and frost into the heart of the roaring flames before the ceiling above him splintered and began to shatter.

Even as Blue bought him precious seconds, Lance leapt into the heart of the flames, ignoring the searing heat around him, ignoring the boiling steam that rose up from where white-hot fire and blue-white ice met. 

His only concern was for Keith.

* * *

One instant, pain encompassed his entire world. The next, the ground shook beneath him, and then -

Heat. The fingers crushing his injured wrist vanished.

There was a vibration in the floor. Something slammed into the other side of the wall with enough force to make the floor jump.

_The building's coming down._

Keith tried to tell his legs to work, tried to at least stand up, but it was as if all the signals from his brain were on pause.

_He couldn't move._

Movement, somewhere nearby. Someone crashing through the rubble, passing him, leaving him behind.

_Don't leave me here. Please don't leave me here._

Then someone grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled him out of the worst of the flames.

An instant later, cool air reached them, and someone ripped the blindfold off his face.

It took Keith a second to see clearly, but when his vision returned, he saw that Lance was hauling him towards Blue, his face set in an expression of pure determination.

* * *

Once they got back to Blue, Lance helped cut Keith's hands free, grimacing in sympathy at the broken wrist. 

"Try not to move around too much, yeah?" he said, helping the Red Paladin sit down. "I'm getting you back to the Castle, asap."

Keith's eyes were half-shut, but as he slumped against the side of Blue's cargo hold, he nodded. Then he reached up with his good hand and yanked the sound-cancelling earphones off his head. With an effort, he threw them to the other side of the room.

But when he tried to dislodge the gag, it was clear it was too difficult for him to manage with just one hand. His coordination was off, too. Movements that usually came naturally to him were slower, even painful.

Lance hovered, not sure how to help. He knew Keith hated it when people got too close to him, physically, but he didn't want to just leave Keith like this until they got back to the Castle.

"Here," Lance finally said, and he reached up and unbuckled the gag as carefully as he could. He couldn't help but notice the way Keith flinched when Lance's hands came close to his face, or the speed with which he distanced himself from the Blue Paladin once the gag was off.

"Sorry," Lance said. He didn't know what else to say. "Uh - I'll - I'll get Blue to - "

The floor underneath them rumbled, as if to say 'No need, Lance, I'll get us back to the Castle.'

Lance blinked, looked towards the pilot's chair, then sighed and shrugged. 

"Yeah, okay, so...I guess Blue's got it taken care of."

Keith raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth, but instead of speaking, he began coughing.

Lance grabbed a water packet from one of the storage bins nearby. Not quite knowing what to say, or how to say it, he just offered it to Keith, who took it and managed a few gulps before coughing again, raising one arm to cover his mouth.

When the coughing finally stopped, blood speckled that part of his armor. Lance felt sick again.

"Ooooh, that's not good."

Keith blinked once, glanced down, then managed to bring his eyes back to meet Lance's gaze.

"...s'ry..." he slurred. "...wn't...won't get...any on...the floor..."

Lance blinked. "What?"

Keith looked down at the floor again, but not before Lance saw that's Keith's pupils were strangely mis-dilated. 

"...s'ry..." he said again. "...for...th'...mess..."

Lance's jaw dropped open, but he quickly snapped it shut again.

_Keith clearly wasn't in his right mind at the moment. Best thing to do was to be reassuring, casual._

Lance waved a hand airily. 

"Oh, don't worry about it," he said. "Seriously, noooo problem. Everything is A-OK."

Keith didn't look up at him, but something in his shoulders relaxed, ever so slightly.

"...'re...sure...?" he asked, and something about the question was so hesitant and vulnerable that it hurt Lance's heart to hear it.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure, buddy. You just rest up, okay? I'm gonna call Coran, so he can prep a pod."

Keith's eyelids flickered shut, but he remained sitting upright. 

"...so...'m...not...in...t'ouble...?" he asked. 

Lance clenched his teeth for a second before answering. 

"It's okay, Keith. You're not in trouble. You did really good. You're all good."

Even as Keith nodded in dazed understanding, Lance clenched his fists and made a decision.

Whoever hurt Keith in the past was going to answer for it.

Lance was going to make sure of it.


	3. Be my mirror, my sword and shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Pidge wakes up in a Galra prison cell, she finds that she's not alone.
> 
> Keith's there too.

Pidge had never understood what the phrase 'crippling fear' meant when she was on Earth.

But she understood it now.

She huddled against the far wall of the cell, wrapped her arms around her legs, and tried to keep her teeth from clattering together in a useless display of fear.

Keith would be back soon. They'd **have** to bring him back.

 _Right_?

* * *

_Several hours earlier_

When the guards opened the door to the cell, Keith launched himself at them, snarling like a maddened wolf.

She'd still been recovering from whatever sedative drug they'd hit her with, so she hadn't been able to help. She'd only been able to watch as four guards pinned Keith against the bars of the cell, even as he snarled and tried to bite them.

"What do you assholes want?" He snarled, his glare unwavering. Pidge thought his eyes looked...different. Or maybe it was just the lighting of the cell.

Or maybe she had a concussion. That was _definitely_ a possibility.

 

A fifth guard finished locking the door behind him, then came over towards her. He held some sort of syringe in his huge clawed fingers.

"Relax," the guard said over his shoulder. "We're just going to sedate the half-breed. You have nothing to worry about."

 

Keith froze for just a second, his eyes going even wider in confusion and shock.

"W-what..?" 

Then he began trying to break free again, desperately trying to reach Pidge's side.

"Wait - no, _wait_ -" 

 

The fluid inside the syringe glowed a pale, sickly golden in the weak light of the cell.

If Pidge had possessed the energy to blink, she might have tried. In all honesty, it took a major effort of willpower to keep her mind focused on what was happening now.

_Damn, whatever sedative they'd used to knock her out was **potent**. _

_Maybe she could get a sample of it and try it out on one of these jerks later. See how they enjoyed a taste of their own medicine._

 

Keith was still shouting.

"No! Listen - _she's not part-Galra_  -" 

But no matter how much he struggled, the hands holding the Red Paladin in place only gripped him tighter as the guard went down onto one knee at Pidge's side.

"No - please - no - **_listen to me_**! _She's not part-Galra,_ _you'll kill her_!"

 

But the guard simply ignored him, his mind focused on the task before at hand.

 

"We knew the half-blood was _small_ , but this is just ridiculous," the guard said, taking a knife and making a few deft cuts around Pidge's left elbow. The black flight-suit tore, revealing a small area of pale white skin. To Pidge, it all felt as if this were happening to someone else. It was like she was some detatched observer, instead of some luckless tech genius who was about to be injected with an only-gods-knew-what serum.

In contrast, Keith was thrashing and screaming as if he'd gone insane. He looked and sounded more like a wolf than ever before.

_Were his teeth getting sharper?_

_Nah, that had to be the sedatives talking._

_Keith's teeth couldn't grow sharper just like **that**._

 

Then the guard adjusted the syringe, bringing it closer to the exposed patch of skin. An emotion of some kind made it through the haze of sedatives, then - fear, maybe, or even panic. Pidge couldn't tell. Although she couldn't move or talk yet, she still tried to flinch away from the needle as it approached her arm.

 _Shit, shit, shit, this was **bad**_.

 

Then...

 

Then there was a whirl of movement, too fast for her eyes to follow. An instant later, it was followed by the sounds of fierce and brutal violence. The syringe's needle was barely an inch away from Pidge's skin when the guard turned to look back towards the commotion, and whatever he saw caused him to take several hasty steps away from the Green Paladin.

An instant later, someone stood between her and the guard holding the syringe. He looked like Keith, and instinctively, she _knew_ it was her friend. She knew this was the same person she'd trained with, lived with, and faced countless dangers - he was still  _Keith_.

But when he turned his head to one side to look back at her, his fingernails and teeth glistened with a dull red color that seemed oddly fitting with his yellow eyes.

___Holy **shit**. __So **that** was what happened when his eyes changed color._

If she hadn't been so out of it, she might have been fascinated...or terrified.

At the moment, it was difficult to say which one she felt more strongly.

 

When he spoke, his voice sounded almost perfectly normal, even though he was breathing hard.

_No wonder - he'd just taken out four guards._

"Pidge? You...you okay?"

She nodded her head. It took all of her energy to do so, but she managed it.

"...yeah...I...I think so..."

 

Keith's gaze flicked back to the remaining solider, and Pidge could hear the rumbling snarl when he spoke again.

" _You_."

The guard just stood there. Pidge figured the guy might still be in shock at Keith's transformation. He certainly didn't seem to be doing much at the moment.

That idea didn't sit right with her.

_What kind of soldier just stood by and let a prisoner take out four of his fellow guardsmen?_

_...unless..._

 

" _Keith_! Watch out - I think he's a - "

 

But it was too late. 

The 'soldier' vanished, only to reappear less than an instant later at Keith's back. Keith whirled in place, only to be struck in the chest with a blast of purple energy. The force of the blew threw him against the far wall, where he crumpled face-first onto the ground.

Pidge stared in horror, first at her friend's limp body, and then at the Druid, who still held the syringe of golden liquid.

"Fascinating," the Druid said, turning from Pidge to Keith. " _Much_ more interesting than yet another human."

He said the last word so dispassionately, it might have been a synonym for 'bug'. Then he walked over to where Keith lay motionless on the floor and injected the golden liquid into the Red Paladin's shoulder without further delay. 

As the Druid tossed the empty vial away, Pidge saw one of Keith's legs twitch, and finally, her voice returned to her.

" _Keith_!"

The Red Paladin let out a low groan and tried to rise, only to collapse back onto the ground, still facing her. When he opened one eye, it was no different than it had been that morning back in the Castle.

"...'idge...?" he asked, confusion and growing fear evident in the question. "...what's..."

The Druid chuckled. 

" _Keith_ , is it? Hmm. Such a strange name."

Pidge did her best to ignore the Druid. Her entire attention was focused on her friend, who had managed to get one shaky arm beneath him in an effort to crawl closer to her.

"...'m coming, Pidge..." he panted. "...just...just hang on..." 

Pidge wanted to cry. 

_Dammit, not **now**._

" - Keith - " 

Then the Druid moved to stand in-between them, and when he vanished, Pidge couldn't see Keith anymore.

That had been _hours_ ago.

_What were they doing to him?_

* * *

At first, there was nothing, but when Keith woke up, he wished that he'd remained unconscious.  

Here, the nightmares were real.

_Awareness came and went, but the pain never stopped._

Voices from the past called his name. 

_He didn't want to remember._

Things spun from shadows and dust whirled around him. 

 _He couldn't get away_.

Searing agony across his back...from lightning?...or a whip?

_There was no way to tell._

It just _**hurt.**_

* * *

At the sound of footsteps, Pidge wanted to leap to her feet and throw herself at the door of her cell, but with an effort, she quelled that impulse.

Better for whoever was bringing Keith back to think that she was still affected by the sedative.

Her joints ached, and the last thing she wanted to do was to appear helpless, but she settled herself in the far left corner of the cell, in a half-slumped, half-sitting position that would allow her to see _everything_.

The footsteps were slower than a patrol's pace. Steady, even, but definitely slower, like they were dragging something - or someone - along with them.

The lock clicked, and the door hissed open. Pidge felt her heart lurch in her chest. 

_Should she rush them? Try to push past them, grab Keith, and run?_

Even as she considered it, two guards entered the cell, pulling Keith under the arms, his legs dragging on the floor behind him.

* * *

Exhaustion made it almost impossible for Keith to even notice, let alone care, where the guards were dragging him now.

He didn't know if he was being brought to yet another experiment, to be subjected to the Druids' magic or corrupted quintessence or instruments of torture, but he didn't want to find out.

Besides, he couldn't see anyway. Before they'd taken him out of the last interrogation session, someone had tied a blindfold around his eyes.

_He just wanted to rest._

When he stumbled, the guards didn't slow down, so they ended up dragging him over the last several yards.

A door opened, and they went through it.

_The air was cold down here._

The guards dragged him forwards a few more feet, and then one of them latched something made of metal around Keith's neck.

Fear - one of the only emotions left to him - made Keith reach up with one hand and try to dislodge the collar, but the second guard kicked Keith's wobbly legs out from under him, causing the Red Paladin to crash down onto his hands and knees.

Even over the fear flooding through him, Keith could hear the sound of chains rattling through the rings in the wall. The sound made his stomach twist and wrench in terror.

_\- please, don't -_

But the guards paid no heed to him. One of them grabbed hold of Keith's hair and yanked his head backwards, forcing him to remain in place as the other secured the end of the lead chain to a ring set high in the wall. The chain wasn't very long. 

Keith tried to stand up, but the guards didn't let him. He almost lost his balance again when the second guard wrenched his wrists up from the floor and cuffed them to another metal ring, this one set lower into the wall. It forced Keith to twist to one side, so that the collar didn't dig into his throat and cut off his air. 

It left him in an awkward, painful position, half-kneeling, half-leaning against the far wall of the cell with his arms stretched out in front of him. 

Within seconds, his wrists and lower back felt as if they were on fire, but he didn't dare move until the guards left. When they did, they slammed the door behind them. 

Something about the sound reminded Keith of a coffin lid.

* * *

When he tried to lean fully against the far wall, his wrists ached unbearably. When he tried lean forwards to relieve the pressure, the collar cut off his air. 

He was so tired. He just wanted to lie down and never wake up again.

* * *

Sounds. Movement from somewhere behind him.

Someone else was nearby, but Keith didn’t bother doing more than closing his eyes. 

Not that it made much difference with the blindfold on, but he _really_ didn't want to see who else was in here with him.

Whoever this was, he was certain they weren’t going to help him.

_They were just going to find another way to hurt him._

A voice began speaking, the words flickering in and out of his understanding, fragments of noise that blurred together, but he thought the tone of the voice wasn’t hostile…which meant…maybe…

_No. Don't be fooled. It's just another trick._

More sounds. More movement.

Now the person was in front of him, saying his name, but Keith still didn’t bother raising his face.

_It was just another trick. It had to be._

_No one was going to help him_.

The voice stopped, as if the speaker had run out of things to say. 

Keith felt the familiar combination of grim satisfaction and fear course through him - satisfaction at having seen through the trick, and fear at what the unknown speaker would try next.

_Well, let them attempt to break him._

_Whatever they tried, he'd already lived through worse._

* * *

He waited, but nothing bad happened.

Dread churned in his stomach. The grim satisfaction vanished, and soon the fear was all that remained. 

His muscles were already beginning to tremble from relentless strain of the stress position, and he expected some kind of torture to start up any second now.

So, when the air around him shifted, Keith clenched his fists, set his jaw, and braced himself for the pain.

But whoever it was didn't hit him. Instead, they started trying to untie the blindfold.

_...what...?_

* * *

This was too much.

Keith snarled and jerked his face away, recoiling as far away as he possibly could.

_Fuck off. I'm not letting you touch me._

He didn't want to see yet another illusionary rescuer fade into dust and shadows, leaving only the Druids and their hideous smiles behind.

The fingers retreated, then tried again. When they did, Keith snarled and tried to bite them. He missed, but only because their owner let out a yelp and jerked them away in time.

" _Stop_ _play-acting_ _,"_ he snarled. "You tried it before. It _didn't_ work then, and it _won't_ work now."

 _That_ got their attention. He felt the unknown person freeze in shock, and then they took a few steps away from him.

Keith knew he was breathing harder now, but his entire body felt as if it were on fire. Now that he'd seen through their attempts at disguise, it was only a matter of seconds before the pain began.

"I know you like playing mind games with me," he said, keeping his eyes tight shut and trying to keep his voice from shaking. "But you can't fool me. So you should just - just get it over with."

* * *

The person in front of him didn't move for almost a full minute. That whole time, they didn't hit him, or kick him, or _anything_. 

Finally, Keith couldn't take the silence anymore.

"You want to get on with it already?" he spat, but his voice wasn't as loud as it might have been. The collar around his neck was too tight, and his throat was already raw from screaming. "It's not like you can _make_ me believe you're my f-"

At that, there was another sound of movement nearby, and Keith couldn't help but try to flinch backwards, away from the contact, but he didn't manage it before he felt someone's arms pull him into a hug.

_...what...?_

No. No, this was a trick. It was _always_ a trick. Nothing more than a ploy, a way to make him think that it was safe.

_Nowhere was safe._

* * *

At first, Pidge didn't understand why Keith wouldn't let her take the blindfold off.

 _And why hadn't he recognized her voice? Was it because his eyes were still...still that Galra yellow?_ _She couldn't tell with the blindfold on, but..._

She shook her head.

_No, that wasn't it. Maybe he was still dazed from the sessions with the Druids._

But then he'd tried to bite her, and after that - 

_'Mind games?'_

 

Then she remembered what Lance had told her only a few movements before.

 _Keith **hated** it when anyone touched his face._ 

She bit her lip, trying to figure out what to do.

_How could she convince Keith that she was a friend?_

Talking hadn't worked, and trying to take the blindfold off had only made matters worse.

Then Keith spoke again, and although his words were angry, she heard something else behind them, too.

_He was scared._

Instinctively, Pidge scooted forwards, making certain that she kept her hands close to her sides. Sensing her movement, he flinched backwards, doing his best to avoid any contact with her at all.

When she reached him a few seconds later, she slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him as gently as she could, burying her face into his shoulder, trying to avoid putting any strain on his arms or his back.

* * *

Keith waited for something bad to happen. He wasn't sure what was going on, but no one would do this unless it was to get him to lower his guard, and the second he did, this person would find some way to hurt him.

Maybe they had a blade. Chained to the wall like this, there was no way he could avoid a strike. With a single well-placed stab wound, he could bleed out over the course of hours.

Or, if they wanted to make it longer, they could rake their claws down his back and his sides, and all he'd be able to do was scream.

Hell, all they had to do to kill him was shift their weight just enough so that the collar around his neck could choke him to death.

_...but...they could have done all of those things already...so why weren't they...?_

* * *

At her touch, Pidge felt Keith freeze into place, and a few seconds later, she felt him shift his balance, as if uncertain on how to block this newest attack.

"Keith?" She asked, hoping that maybe this time he'd recognize her voice.

He didn't answer her right away. He stayed as still as a statue - or he would have, if the stress position had allowed his muscles to rest.

As much as she wanted to help him, Pidge knew that first, she had to convince him that she was safe to be around. So, instead of talking, or moving too much, she remained as she was, keeping very still and hoping that the gentle but steady contact would help convince him that she had no ulterior motives and most of all, no intention of doing him any harm.

After a few moments of stillness, she tried again.

"Keith, it's Pidge. Can you hear me?"

She felt it when his breathing came a little faster. 

_Oh, no. Was she making it worse?_

"Keith, it's okay. I don't want to hurt you."

Still no reply. Pidge swallowed hard.

_Okay. Okay. Maybe a hug hadn't been the best idea._

"I'm going to let go now, okay? It's okay. It's okay."

With a few careful adjustments, she returned to her sitting position a few feet away from him.

All that time, Keith didn’t move. He remained completely still, the blindfold making his facial expression impossible to read.

When he finally spoke, it sounded like he might be about to cry.

_"...Katie?"_

* * *

At the sound of her name, Pidge sat bolt upright and only just remembered _not_ to throw her arms around his neck in another hug.

" _Keith_!"

She scrambled forwards, simultaneously trying not to overwhelm him while also attempting to ascertain his condition.

"Keith, yeah, it's me, and - and I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to scare you - I'm _really_ sorry - "

He swallowed before answering. 

" 's not your fault. I - "

One of his back muscles spasmed, and Pidge immediately went to work on the collar around his neck.

"I hate these things," she growled. "I _hate_ them, I **hate** them, I **_hate_** them - here, just a second - okay."

There was a click as the latch released, and Keith lurched forwards, taking in huge gulps of air. 

Pidge caught him around the shoulders and helped him lean forwards, taking most of the strain off of his outstretched arms.

"I'll try to get your wrists free in a minute," she said. "But first, can I - "

Keith shook his head, still coughing. 

"N-no -'s better if - if I do it. Don't wanna - snap at you - again."

Pidge wasn't sure if he'd just tried to make a joke or not, but either way, she didn't have the heart to find it funny at all.

What had happened to him, to make him so afraid of someone touching his face?

_Fear like that didn't just **happen**. There had to be a reason behind it._

* * *

Once he'd gotten his breath back, Keith managed to pull the blindfold off just in time to see Pidge's eyes overflow with tears.

_Why was she crying?_

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm _really_ sorry, Keith."

_Oh, right. The blindfold._

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

She nodded, but the tears didn't stop right away. He could tell because he felt the tears hit his fingers when she began working on the handcuffs.

He tried to think of something to say.

"It's not - I mean, it's not like it's a - "

Pidge huffed out a breath and scrubbed at her eyes with the back of one hand before going back to work on the cuffs.

"Keith, if you say that 'it's not a big deal', I will _kick_ you in the shin. _Very_ hard."

Keith swallowed back what he'd been about to say.

Small she may be, but Pidge was _strong_.

* * *

Once she managed to get the cuffs off him, they sat side-by-side in silence for a few moments before Pidge looked back up at him.

"Keith?"

He glanced back down at her.

"Yeah?"

"Um...can I...can I hug you again?"

He frowned slightly, concern crossing his face.

"Are you cold?"

Pidge shook her head. 

"No. But - but I really want to give you a hug. If that's okay. You don't need to say yes."

Keith looked down at the floor before answering.

"Yeah. It's okay."

Pidge shifted her weight so that she was kneeling upright, at Keith's eye-level.

A smile crossed his face. She paused.

"What?"

When he didn't say anything, she scrunched up her nose and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, okay, yeah. I get it. I'm short."

Keith pointed at her. " _You_ said it. _I_ didn't."

She flicked his shoulder in playful annoyance before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him in close, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You are _such_ a height snob," she said, her voice semi-muffled against his neck.

A moment later, she felt his arms wrap around her, and he leaned his chin on the top of her head.

"I have to be," he said. "I'm Number Four, aren't I? Can't fall much lower than that."

* * *

It wasn't long before the Castle showed up. Even so, Pidge had already made a decision.

She was going to do everything she could to show Keith that she was glad he was part of the team. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Keith.
> 
> As always, I love hearing from you readers. Comments are literally what help me get more energy/ideas to continue. :-)


	4. Some reason I can't explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to a friend's quick thinking, Allura survives an assassination attempt. It's when the smoke clears that things get complicated.

As assassination attempts went, it had definitely been in the top five that she'd experienced. That is to say that it was simple, precise, and very nearly lethal.

In all honesty, that last part would have turned out very differently if it hadn't been for Keith.

* * *

She'd been speaking to the diplomats. 

_Movement, seen out of the corner of her eye._

Someone at her back.

By the time she began to turn, the knife was already descending towards her neck. 

Then Keith was at her side, bringing his shield up. It was the only real defense he could offer, since all of the diplomats and their guests had been required to surrender their weapons at the door of the hall.

The knife shattered as it came into contact with the shield, but the would-be assassin didn't even slow down. He raised his other hand and fired what must have been a dart gun, because a second later, several small but vicious looking darts flew towards her. As they came, they arched outwards, making the stationary shield barely more than useless. It couldn't possibly shield her from every dart before one of them found its mark.

_It would only take one of those things to kill her._

Someone let out a shout, and she wondered if it might be Coran, over the comms, asking what was going on.

_How would she answer that question?_

'Oh, nothing much, just someone trying to kill me - again. How's _your_ quintent going?'

Something slammed into her side, forcing her off-balance, and a few heartbeats later, she lay sprawled on the ground, facing the doors of the Great Hall.

There were a lot of people, and a lot of noise, but it wasn't as loud as it should have been.

_Had her hearing been damaged?_

She tried to raise one hand to her head, found that the shield was still angled over her, its weight and solidity insulating her from the full noise and confusion of the chaos around her. Allura tried again, but the shield remained in place.

 _That didn't make any sense. She_   _should be able to push it away from her without any effort at all._

How odd.

Then a fellow diplomat was at her side, speaking urgently. 

"Princess?! Are you injured?"

Allura frowned. She didn't think so.

_But why wasn't she?_

Then she remembered that this wasn't _her_ shield. She'd been dressed for diplomacy, not a fight.

 ** _Keith_**.

She looked around her. 

_Where **was** he?_

The diplomat's face was grim. 

"Here - one moment - I'll try - there."

The shield deactivated, and she was able to sit up and look around her.

_Faces. So many faces, all of them pale from fear, or shock, or both._

_But where was Keith?_

Something made her look to the side, and her breath caught in her throat.

He was facing her, laying on his side, one arm flung out and to the side. His eyes were closed.

Three darts were embedded deep into his skin, sticking out from the flight suit like the shafts of arrows.

_Neck. Side. Torso._

He'd tackled her to the ground, covering her with both the shield and his own body.

There weren't any darts in her skin.

She was fine.

But...

"Keith?" 

Someone pushed past the diplomats - a healer. The healer began fussing over Allura, but the Princess tried to push her away. 

"I'm fine - but - Keith - "

The healer restrained Allura's attempt to rise to her feet and then went on to check her pulse.

"More of my associates are on the way - but I have a certain Royal Advisor inquiring into _your_ health, and as _you_ were the one attacked, my priority is _you_."

Scattered thoughts began to come back into focus. 

"Coran?"

The healer pulled out a small scanner and held it up to Allura's eyes. "Yes. Coran. I must admit, I really don't envy the assassin who tried to - ah, well, um...yes. Anyway, Coran is on his way. So are the other Paladins."

Allura couldn't take her eyes off of the Red Paladin. 

"Is - is Keith going to be all right?"

The healer's expression turned grim. "I don't know, Princess."

Just then, more medics arrived. Some of them began scanning the darts while two of them lifted Allura onto a stretcher.

But all Allura could see or hear was what was happening around her friend.

* * *

She thought she saw Keith stir when the other medics lifted him onto the other stretcher.

"Keith! Keith, can you hear me?"

The Red Paladin's eyes didn't open, but the fingers of his left hand twitched, and he turned his head towards her voice.

"...'llura...?"

Allura reached out a shaky hand, intending to brush the hair away from his eyes, but stopped just in time. Pidge had told her what had happened the last time Keith had been hurt and confused.

_But she couldn't just let him think he was alone._

She reached out a shaky hand and managed to grip the fingers of his left hand.

"I'm okay, thanks to you."

He still didn't open his eyes, but something in his posture relaxed. 

"...'re...we..." His voice trailed off, but he managed to finish the question a few ticks later. "...C-castle...?"

Allura tightened her grip on his fingers. "No, not yet - but - "

Almost immediately, tension returned to his shoulders, and his grip tightened on hers, a reaction caused by instinctive fear.

"- but Shiro's coming, and the others, okay? We're all right. We're safe." 

But despite her reassurances, the tension didn't leave him.

* * *

The medics began carrying them both towards the infirmary. For a few moments, the two stretchers were kept level with each other. The healer was walking the quickest, giving instructions for which tests to run, and which rooms to place security. 

At the noises and movement all around him, Keith shifted restlessly, his face contorting into something like unease, or even fear. Allura saw it when his muscles began to tremble, and she felt tears threaten to overwhelm her. 

"Keith, listen to me," she said. "It's okay. They're going to help you."

Keith didn't answer her. For a moment, she feared he'd already begun to experience a flashback, or maybe even disassociate completely from the situation at hand. Either one could only make the situation worse, and she desperately tried to think of a way to help her friend ground himself firmly in the present.

Just then, the hallway branched off into two separate hallways. The medics began to drift apart, taking Allura down one hallway, and Keith down the other. The Princess of Altea could feel Keith's panic wash over her as their hands were pulled apart.

" 'llura - _no_ -" 

If she didn't do something, he might hurt himself. With her other hand, Allura tugged at the nearest medic's sleeve, almost frantically.

" - please - wait - "

At first, the medics didn't slow their pace, but at the healer's nod, the two stretchers were brought near each other again for a few dobashes longer.

Allura immediately reached out for Keith's hand again. His fingers were shaking badly enough that she had to settle for grasping his wrist. He was sweating now, and breathing harder than he had been a dobash ago. 

Flashback, then.

_Quiznak._

"Keith - please, listen - it's okay - they're just going to run some tests - it's okay - they're not going to hurt you -"

But the only answer he gave was a whimper. 

One of the medics gave her a concerned, questioning look. Allura explained in short, terse words.

"The medical tests - they frighten him. Is there any way we can wait until the others -"

The healer shook her head. "I'm sorry, Princess. We need to start treatment immediately to have any chance of saving his life."

Allura swallowed hard and turned back to Keith.

"Keith - listen to me, all right? It's all right. These are good tests, the kind that Coran does sometimes. Remember those? It's just some scans. They won't hurt."

The healer winced slightly, but nodded at Allura to continue. Keith continued to shake, but Allura's words seemed to have at least some effect on him. He swallowed once, tried to slow his breathing.

"...p-promise...?" he whispered.

The question seemed to create an odd sort of silence around the two of them, as if the chaos and confusion of only moments before could no longer reach them.

Allura's heart ached. "I promise," she said. "I _promise_ it's going to be okay."

Keith swallowed again, clenching his jaw. "...s-sorry..." he muttered, forcing the words out. Allura could tell he was doing his best not to stammer. "...'m...just - being...stupid..."

Allura shook her head. "No. You are _not_  being stupid. You're being very brave, and you can do this, okay? I _know_ you can."

The healer's tablet beeped warningly. "We have to go," she said, but her tone was as gentle as she could make it. " _Now_ , Princess."

* * *

Reluctantly, Allura released her grip on Keith's wrist. Even though he didn't call out for her as the medics carried him down the other hallway, she saw him curl the fingers of his left hand into a shaking fist. Within moments, he'd disappeared into one of the many rooms branching off from that corridor.

"My colleagues and I are going to do everything we can for him," the healer told Allura. She turned to go, then hesitated. 

"...do you know what...happened?"

Even though it was old knowledge, the fury Allura felt towards those responsible still blazed hot.

"He was hurt, a long time ago, by people who..."

Allura swallowed, feeling sick, but forced herself to continue. "...who enjoyed cruelty. Keith doesn't talk about it, but things like this - medical tests, hospitals, even certain types of physical contact - "

Before she could stop herself, she went on. "Please - let him know we're nearby - and that we care - and that - that we just want to make sure he's okay. Can you tell him that? Please? Just until Shiro gets here."

The healer nodded. "I'll make sure the aides know, too." Even as she spoke, she typed out a message and sent it. "There. That will let them know of the...general situation."

Then she patted Allura's hand. "Thank you for telling me. We want to do everything we can to reassure him that he's in no danger."

Allura nodded. Her eyes already felt heavy.  

"Rest now, Princess. You've been through a lot today."

* * *

Coran and the other Paladins arrived only dobashes later. Allura knew this because even through her exhaustion, she could make out the familiar voices when they were still half-way down the corridor.

"I'll go straight to Allura. The rest of you should accompany Shiro."

"Coran, are you sure? We could - "

"I'm sure, Number Three. It's better for all of you to be there. Now hurry along. I'll try and stop by as soon as I can."

Just then, Allura heard someone - and from the light footsteps, she guessed this particular someone was dressed in green and white - activate a jetpack. Three ticks later, the Princess of Altea caught a glimpse of the Green Paladin waving at her through the small circular window set in the door.

"HeyAllura!" Pidge called as she hit the trajectory of her arc, flashing by in less than half a tic. Her words blurred together, but were still easily discernable to Allura's enhanced hearing. "Hanginthere-we'llberightback!"

The unorthodox yet ridiculously endearing use of the Paladin's jetpack caused Allura to smile to herself, even as Coran came hurrying into the room and wasted no time in hugging her.

"Um, sir?" an aide said, seeming a tiny bit awkward. He'd almost been swept up in the hug, too. "Can I get by you? I just - have to finish inputting the scan results. You know - uh, over there. By the door."

Coran sniffed and nodded, and after the aide carefully stepped further out of the way, the Royal Advisor resumed hugging Allura, who managed to return the hug with one arm. The other had been wrapped in a bandage.

"I'm fine, Coran," Allura hastened to reassure him. "Not even a scratch. A few bruises, but nothing that won't fade within a few days."

Coran took careful hold of her bandaged arm, peering at it closely. Back at his workstation, the Princess saw a brief smile flicker across the aide's face as he went about his work. " _Every_ time," he murmured, but in a good-humored sort of way. A few ticks later, he looked up and nodded decisively. 

"Scans completed," he said. "For now, just rest. I'll be back shortly." he said. Then he exited the room.

Once he was gone, Coran sank down onto a nearby chair. Allura reached out with her good hand and patted him on the shoulder as the Royal Advisor sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

"Thank the Ancients you're all right," he said. 

Allura shook her head. "It's thanks to Keith that I survived at all."

Coran's face wrinkled in worry. "I heard. How is he?"

Allura bit her lip and shook her head again. "It's - difficult to say. I don't - I don't know."

* * *

_Lights. Voices. Shadows._

_He couldn't make them out._

Part of Keith's mind - the rational part, the part that had managed to listen to Allura - told him that it was fine, that Allura had promised that it would be fine, and since she'd promised, he didn't need to be afraid. 

_Don't panic. Keep breathing. Remain calm._

But another part of him - the part that had helped him survive multiple situations through fear and paranoia - screamed that it _wasn't safe here_ , that _he was helpless_ and it was _never_ safe to remain that way.

_Get up. Fight. Run. Hide._

The warring instincts inside his mind continued to clash and collide with each other until it was all Keith could do not to cover his ears with his hands, curl into a ball, and scream until his voice gave out.

 ** _Damn it._**  

_It had been years since the trauma._

_Why couldn't he **control** this?_ 

An unfamiliar voice somewhere nearby said something about dangerously high heart-rate and respiratory distress.

"Paladin, I'm going to administer a sedative. It may sting, but it will help slow your heart-rate. We're trying to keep you as calm as possible."

Keith shook his head.

_He had to remain alert - he just couldn't remember why._

"It's all right, Paladin. The Princess is safe. She asked that you receive the best care here - "

Memory snapped back into place.

_Allura._

_Someone had tried to hurt Allura._

_So why was he lying here?_

_He had to make sure she was okay._

_He couldn't leave her alone._

_It wasn't safe to be alone._

Keith concentrated, reaching up with one hand to grab hold of something. His fingers found the edge of what must have been a bedside table.

Meanwhile, the voice rambled on, saying something about - well, to be honest, Keith wasn't listening. 

_He **had** to find Allura._

"Paladin? - what are you - oh. Oh dear - um, Amara? Amara, can you help me? He's - trying to get up - "

Another voice spoke then, and although the tone was gentle, the hand on his chest that pushed him back into a horizontal position brooked no argument.

"You have to rest, Paladin. I give you my word, the Princess is safe, just as my colleague told you."

* * *

Amara watched as the Red Paladin shook his head. When he spoke, his voice sounded hoarse, almost like a growl.

"She's - _not -_ she's - she's  _alone -_ "

The other healer was already preparing the sedative. While he did so, Amara tried again to reassure their patient.

"Our best guards are stationed outside both her room and yours. She is well defended."

* * *

Keith wanted to laugh bitterly, but all he could manage was a half-choked sob.

_Yeah. We thought she was safe around the diplomats, too._

_Look how that turned out._

He tensed automatically when he felt someone's fingers touch his left arm. 

_Touch was bad._

_Touch meant someone was going to hurt you._

He tried to pull away, but the other healer - Amara - kept his shoulders pinned against the hospital bed. She was still talking, trying to tell him something, but Keith couldn't hear her anymore.

Instead, the only thing he could hear was white noise, static intermixed with words and sensations from the past. 

_**Fuck**. _

_Don't have a flashback._

_Not now._

He didn't even notice when the needle pierced his skin, because his mind was screaming at him that _he had to get out of here_ , had to get to Allura and get out, because _it wasn't safe_.

But when he tried to get up again, the healer named Amara kept his shoulders pinned into place.

"It's all right - Paladin - it's all right - your teammates are on their way - and the sedative will kick in soon -"

_No, it's not safe, get out get out **get out**_

_They'll catch the others_

"Paladin, it's all right -"

_Don't let them catch the others_

**_Get out get out get out get out_  **

"Caspen, we have to activate the restraint protocols."

"But - Amara - "

" _Now_. He's going to hurt himself otherwise."

* * *

Something firm and unyielding clamped into place over Keith's wrists and ankles, and a few seconds later, the person keeping his shoulders in place stepped away from him.

Keith's head ached, and he felt as if he were drowning.

_It was so cold in the room._

_Hadn't he had his armor on earlier?_

**_Shit._ **

_They'd taken his armor - he couldn't defend Allura like this - Allura was in danger and he **had** to get to her -_

Voices. Unfamiliar ones.

"The preliminary scans show insufficient oxygen levels in the patient's blood, most likely due to the toxin. It's definitely contributing to his confusion."

"Time needed to synthesize an antidote?"

"Longer than he has."

* * *

_More noise and movement. It made his headache worse._

"Keith? Keith, we're here - it's okay -"

"What's _wrong_ with him?"

"Lance, sshhh, try to keep your voice down -"

"Give Shiro some room, guys, we can't all crowd Keith at once -"

* * *

Even though Keith tried to follow what was going on around him, he found it difficult to remain awake, much less comprehend a discussion of any kind. He barely heard, much less understood, the few sentences that followed.

"I recommend a breathing aid of some kind - perhaps an oxygen mask. That should buy us time to synthesize the antidote."

"Should - should the three of us leave? Or - or can we -"

"No, the four of you can stay, Blue Paladin."

 

"We gotta back up, Hunk, we gotta make sure Keith knows Shiro's here -"

"Here, Pidge, you can stand by me - or I can -"

"I am _not_ sitting on your shoulders, Hunk _-_ "

 

Then one of the newer voices was talking swiftly to him, but Keith couldn't hear what it was saying. It was all background noise, the sounds jumbling together into noise and he _couldn't get away from it_ -

Keith tried to turn his head away, to get away from the noise, but something was wrong with his body. It wouldn't move the way he wanted it to. 

Panic spiked through him.

_Sedative._

_Paralysis._

_Experiments._

_Lab rat._

__Helpless._ _

___**No**_. He wasn't going to go through that again._ _

Keith knew he had to escape, _now_ , before anyone realized he was still able to think, but when he tried to pull one of his wrists free from the restraints holding him down, something nearby let out an electronic, continuous, beeping sound, and a clear blue light began flashing on and off near his head. It made his eyes ache, and his head began to throb even harder.

_It felt as if iron spikes were being driven into his skull._

He let out a groan, all thoughts of escape forgotten, now only wishing he could bring a hand up to cover his eyes, or at least turn his head, to try to block out the sound. More sporadic noise and movement, followed by -

* * *

_Silence._

_Darkness._

The pounding agony centered above Keith's eyes lessened slightly, but he when he tried to open them, he still couldn't see anything clearly.

_...was his sight gone now, too...?_

No. Something was only covering his eyes. 

_A blindfold?_

When Keith painfully twisted his head to one side, whatever it was fell away almost immediately, so he knew it wasn't a blindfold. Or if it was, it hadn't been tied on tight enough to really count.

_Past traumatic experiences really had given him a vast array of unsettling details to draw his information from._

_How great was **that**._

* * *

Even as that thought went through his mind, someone's fingers touched the side of his face.

Keith's reaction was immediate. He recoiled, shaking his head from side to side, snarling in both anger and instinctive terror.

_Get **away** from me. _

The situation worsened when the sudden motion sent stabbing agony through his chest. 

_He couldn't breathe right._

* * *

"...Keith...?"

"I don't think he can hear you, Shiro - "

"Guys, it's the toxin, until it's neutralized, I don't think he'll be able to really _hear_ any of us -"

"But how can we -"

* * *

_It was difficult to remember feeling pain worse than this._

His blood felt as if it were on fire, and he couldn't think straight.

Lack of oxygen made Keith's head spin, and he was almost certain that at some point, he let out a choking laugh. It wasn't a sane kind of sound, either.

_Just give me a second...I'm **sure** I can think of something worse._

Other sounds began to filter through to him, as if coming from underwater, but he couldn't understand them. He managed to open his eyes part-way, but all he could make out were more flashes of uncoordinated movement and blurs of color.

_He couldn't see, he couldn't hear, he couldn't move...he was **useless**._

Then one of the dim figures nearest him reached out towards Keith's face, took a gentle but firm grip of his jaw, and tilted his chin upwards, firmly applying pressure to Keith's forehead at the same time with their other hand to keep Keith facing the ceiling.

When Keith snarled and tried to break free, he heard the person - or monster - or whoever this was - say something about 'trying to help' and 'trust me'.

If he'd had the breath to spare, Keith might have spat out a derisive laugh. 

 _Trust_.

_He trusted no one._

__He wasn't that stupid anymore._ _

* * *

More noise, more movement. 

_It was all just noise now._

Keith wished he could _breathe_ properly, so he could at least break away from whoever was holding his face, but he didn't have the chance before he saw a mask coming towards his face.

_Something broke inside him._

The anger vanished, because the fear was too strong.

 _He couldn't fight it anymore._  

" - no - please - I promise, I won't - I won't talk back anymore - please - don't - "

The hands holding his face didn't let go, but Keith could swear their hold loosened, just a little. The sounds around him died down, too.

_It didn't matter._

The mask scared him, it scared him far too much to move, let alone try and break free again.  

"Please - d-don't - I'll - I'll be quiet - I p-promise - I - I won't -"

But no matter what he said, his voice was still cut off, his pleas silenced and ignored as the mask settled over his nose and mouth.

_It was just like before. It was just like before. **It was just like before.**_

In pure terror, Keith tried to slam the back of his head against the wall behind him, but the person holding the mask in place didn't relent or take it away. 

_Let go let go let go let go **let go**_

Keith thrashed from side to side, desperation and terror lending him strength, but to no avail. Whoever was doing this to him was a lot stronger than Keith, and it was only a matter of seconds until the mask was securely fastened over his face.

Less than a second later, Keith tasted medicine and went completely mad with fear.

* * *

"Keith, _please_ , listen to me, it's okay - it's okay -"

"...I can't - I can't watch this anymore..."

"C'mere, buddy. I gotcha."

"But...he's gonna be okay soon...right?"

* * *

When Keith tried to dislodge the mask by slamming it into the siderail of the bed, someone put their palm on his forehead and forced his head back onto the pillow.

"Stay still," the person told him. From what Keith could see, they looked like a medic, or a doctor, or a healer - white coat, glasses, cold expression. "You'll hurt yourself".

Keith only snarled again and fought harder, because he _wouldn't_  endure this again, he _wouldn't_ be made silent and helpless, but deep down inside, Keith already knew he was both those things, and there was nothing he could do to escape.

At his renewed struggles, the healer's eyes fell into shadow, and a moment later, she input a code into the tablet at the side of the bed. A moment later, thin, flexible bands made out of light and energy sprang into life and interconnect, braiding and linking themselves together into a kind of forcefield that prevented any further movement. It extended all the way from the top of Keith's head to his feet.

When he discovered that he couldn't even turn his head from side to side, Keith curled his shaking hands into fists and  _screamed_  at the doctor through the mask until he ran out of air. It was a wordless scream, and he knew she couldn't hear him, but he had never felt this alone, or angry, or this terrified in his entire life.

_..no...he had...felt this way before...but...but this was worse._

* * *

It almost hurt too much to move, but even then, Keith didn't stop fighting. In a last, desperate effort, he ground his teeth together and strained to reach the tablet where it was connected to the side of the bed, almost dislocating his wrist in an effort to type in same the code the doctor had used.

It was pointless. After only two seconds, she realized what he was doing, and she wordlessly detached the tablet from the bed and tucked it underneath her arm.

At that, the fight finally went out of the Red Paladin.

His chest ached. 

He couldn't see. 

He couldn't hear.

He was alone.

_He wasn't going to get out of here._

* * *

When the doctor finally took a few steps away from him, Keith closed his eyes, exhausted. His chest hurt, and the pain only increased when he tried to take in deep breaths.

_He couldn't tell when he had started crying._

"The oxygen _will_ help him," the doctor said to someone out of Keith's line of sight. "I apologize for the necessity of the restraints. The sedative we used didn't..."

She broke off, as if uncertain what more to say.

"...it didn't work quickly enough. I am truly sorry."

Keith was dimly aware that there was more movement going on nearby, but he tried not to focus on it. 

_Whatever happened next, he didn't want to see it coming._

Everything was fading now. 

He was glad. 

He didn't want to stay awake. Not anymore.


	5. Nowhere to hide inside my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, there's only so much you can do to help a friend.

Pidge couldn't take it anymore.

Intellectually, she knew that the medical aides weren't at fault, but that didn't make seeing her friend's pain and terror any easier. She'd had to turn away when he'd screamed at the doctor, right there at the end.

Even now, it was all she could do not to cry. Her friend didn't recognize any of them, and he certainly couldn't hear what they were saying. Even Shiro's voice had no effect on him. It seemed like this toxin excelled not only at inflicting agony, but it also made sure that the victim remained isolated by the pain.

The Green Paladin swiped at her eyes with the back of one hand. She was certain there was something more going on here.

_The Red Paladin wasn't the kind of person who talked much about his past, but Pidge thought it was a safe guess that Keith had lived through more than one kind of nightmarish experience. After all, Keith's panicked struggles weren't the reactions of someone who was simply angry. His reaction to the oxygen mask alone had been one of sheer terror._

As the doctor explained that the sedative's effects had been delayed, Katie slipped past her and came to stand next to Keith's left side. His eyes were closed, his breathing irregular and harsh. 

"Keith?"

He didn't answer. Pidge bit her lip and glanced up towards Shiro, who stood across from her at the other side of the hospital bed. The Black Paladin swallowed once and shook his head from side to side, his voice catching as he answered her unasked question.

"He can't - he'd can't hear us."

The prosthetic fingers curled into a fist.

"...any of us..." 

From a few steps away, near the far corner of the room, Hunk sniffed miserably. Lance pulled his old friend closer in a one-armed hug as he looked towards their leader. 

"So - what can we do to - you know - let him know we're here?"

When he answered, Shiro's words were halting.

"I don't know."

* * *

Hesitantly, Pidge reached out and brushed her fingers against the outside of Keith's wrist. As much as she wished she could just give him a huge hug around the neck and ask him to wake up, it was clear that kind of physical contact would do more harm than good in the current situation.

"Hey, Keith," she said. "Uh - so - we know you can't really hear us right now...but..."

Her voice faltered and went silent. She glanced up towards Shiro again, but he'd already taken Keith's other hand and was running his left thumb over Keith's knuckles.

"It's okay, buddy," he said. "No one here is going to hurt you."

Keith didn't answer. The tension didn't leave his face, and his breathing remained erratic. From time to time, he'd cry out, and one of his arms or legs would twitch or shake. Once, he even tried to roll over, but the energy restraints kept him in place. That time, Keith's eyes slowly opened, and he tried to sit up. When that proved impossible, the strength seemed to drain right out of him, and he closed his eyes and didn't move again.

* * *

Hunk sniffed again. 

Lance rubbed Hunk's shoulder reassuringly.

"It isn't your fault, Hunk."

The Yellow Paladin shook his head. 

"I shouldn't have tried to readjust that compress over his eyes. It really s-" 

Hunk's honest, friendly eyes filled up again, and he tried to swallow down another sob. "It r-really sc-scared him - and - I'm _so_ sorry-"

Shiro shook his head and turned his eyes towards Hunk long enough to send him a tired but genuine half-smile. It was clearly meant to be reassuring, but the exhaustion showed too.

"It's okay, Hunk. You didn't know."

Lance hugged Hunk again. "See, buddy? It's going to be fine. I'm - uh - I'm guessing mullet-head won't even remember most of this. These drugs are enough to make anyone loopy, right, Shiro? Mullet's gonna be fine."

Shiro let out a slow, quiet breath. Pidge saw how Shiro was resolutely keeping his eyes on Keith's face and not the medical equipment all around.

Pidge exchanged looks with Lance, and from the way the Blue Paladin's face went a few shades paler, it was clear that he'd realized just how difficult this was for Shiro, too.

"But...uh - let's just - focus on keeping Keith calm right now. At least the sedatives seem to be helping, right? That's got to be good -"

Ever adaptable, Lance kept his tone light, even as he nodded back at Pidge. 

Right now, they were the two most stable Paladins in the room. That meant they had to be strong and help support the others in any way they could.

* * *

Coran contacted them on their comms soon after that, to see how Keith was doing. His usually friendly face turned very serious when Shiro explained Keith's condition, and it remained that way even after he spoke to the doctors and medical aides.

"I'm sorry I can't be there yet," he said. "As soon as Allura is cleared, we'll join you. It shouldn't be long. She's quite insistent on getting back up and about as soon as possible."

Shiro's eyes were still tired, but his chuckle was genuine. "That sounds like her."

As one, they all glanced back towards the still figure on the bed. No one said it, but it hung in the air nevertheless.

_It sounded like Keith, too._

_Or...it should have_.

_He wasn't even trying to fight against the energy restraints any longer. His eyes had long since slid closed, and now he just lay there. Not asleep, but so...still._

_Seeing him like this felt so unnatural. It went against everything Keith normally was. Quick, alert, alive, ready to jump into action at a moment's notice._

Pidge took a deep breath and laced her fingers between Keith's own. Very gently, she squeezed out a three beat rhythm, one that she and her brother used to use when they were studying for the end of year tests back at the Garrison Library. 

 _It's O.K_.

The cool thing about the code was that it worked whether you tapped it out with a pen on your paper, or nudged your sibling with your elbow, or even drummed it with your fingertips on the desk (though that last one was frowned on in the library).

She wasn't certain that it would be helpful now, but maybe it would be a subtle enough communication to let Keith know he wasn't alone, that he wasn't in danger. 

It was worth a try.

* * *

Less than a varga later, Allura hurried down the hall and towards Keith's room, Coran at her side. 

"Princess, you really should walk slower - you aren't -"

"Coran, we've been over this, I'm _perfectly_ fine - let's see - maybe I could help Keith by reigniting his natural quintessence - if we were able to move him to the Castle, or bring the Red Lion closer to him, maybe I could -"

Still murmuring ideas on best to help their friend, the two Alteans passed by the guards and entered into the room.

* * *

"Ah," the doctor said. "Advisor, Princess, it's good to see you both. You're just in time."

Allura went to stand at Shiro's side while Coran hastened to join Pidge.

"In time for what?"

The doctor gestured towards a syringe on a nearby bedside table. "For me to administer the antidote. The poison is strong, but this should counteract its effects."

Shiro's eyes were steady, but Allura felt the tension in him grow as the doctor continued.

"It may...be best if he remains restrained while we administer it."

Pidge swallowed and glanced towards Hunk and Lance, who both seemed to share her concerns. Shiro spoke up before any of the others could.

"How is it going to affect him, in the short term?" 

Beside Amara, the healer named Caspen brought up a new screen on his medical tablet.

"Short term effects - ah, here it is."

He scanned them for a moment before answering.

"Fever. Chills. Headache. Decreased awareness. Possible hallucinations."

When Caspen looked up, his expression showed genuine compassion. "We will, of course, be monitoring him throughout the entire recovery process, and there are steps we can take to help make him more comfortable, but the toxin is a potent one. It will fight the antidote every step of the way. It's already been in his system for -"

Amara had already slipped on a pair of white gloves and was reaching to pick up the syringe. 

"-for far too long. Princess, I've been told you have the ability to reawaken quintessence?"

Allura nodded. "Yes."

The healer nodded. "Very well. I believe that once I administer the antidote, you could try that, if you wish. We can speak more about it later. For now, your friend needs this medicine, and he needs it _now_."

Even as she said this, Caspen was gently ushering Pidge and Coran to stand a few feet farther away from Keith, the Green Paladin kept hold of Keith's hand until the last possible moment. 

"It's just until Amara administers the antidote," Caspen reassured her. "Then you can stay by his side, all right?"

Pidge nodded, her throat too tight for speech.

* * *

"Caspen, please stand by with another dose of the sedative. I want you to administer it at the first signs of distress, all right?"

"Understood, Amara."

Keith didn't have the energy to open his eyes, but he flinched away from the voices all the same. He knew he couldn't actually get away from them, but it was an automatic gesture, born from experience and ingrained instinct.

"Did you see that?"

"I did. Amara - should I -?"

"No - no, Caspen, not yet."

Then fingers took hold of his left arm, and Keith couldn't help it. He twitched and tried to turn away from whoever-this-was, but his body wouldn't obey him. It was sluggish, and weak, and _he couldn't move his arm -_

But before panic could completely cover Keith's world in white, he realized that someone else was holding onto his right hand.

_...what...?_

That made no sense. Not in this context. Not if someone was trying to hurt him.

_...what was going on...?_

The next words he heard weren't ones he could easily understand. 

"It's all right, Paladin. You saved the Princess, and now, we're saving you."

_It didn't...it didn't **sound** like a lie...and whoever had hold of his left arm wasn't pulling it, or crushing it, or trying to break his wrist...so...maybe..._

"All right. Administering antidote...now."

* * *

As if from far away, Keith felt something sting the inside of his left arm. Something tugged at his memory, something that made him swallow and squeeze his eyes tight shut, even though they'd already been closed.

_please - no - I don't want this - please -_

The person holding his right hand said something. The tone was familiar, safe, and it was saying his name.

_But no one knew his name - it wasn't something they cared about - it wasn't something they needed to know -_

"Caspen, the sedative, now. Hurry."

There was a sharper pain in his arm this time, and with it, the memories began to grow clearer, closer.

"Done. It should begin to -"

Even as the fear rose once more, Keith tried and failed to keep his breathing even. As his heart began to race, pain shot through his chest, and he couldn't keep from whimpering.

"Increasing oxygen."

Something clicked and creaked by his head, and a few seconds later, it was easier to get air into his lungs - but - 

_It wouldn't help for long - it would still hurt to breathe - it would always hurt to breathe by the time they were done -_

Keith tried to roll over onto his side, to curl into a smaller target, but his body felt as if it were encased in amber.

_He couldn't move, he couldn't talk, he couldn't do anything but wait for the pain to start._

He felt it when his muscles began to spasm, although it didn't really hurt. Not yet.

_It would hurt afterwards. He'd be sore and stiff but no one would notice or care, because there weren't any scars - and if there weren't scars - that meant - everything was fine - and he was just - **weak** -_

"The sedative has taken full ef-"

"Wait - Amara - what's - what's that spike of brain activity?"

The voices around him were barely audible now, whirled apart by the memories that surged up out of the past. 

_Faces, figures, shadows, all melding together. He knew he couldn't get away from what they were going to do to him. Worse of all, he knew that no one would ever notice he was gone._

"Patient is showing signs of severe distress."

"Administering another half unit of the sedative."

Keith didn't want to start crying, because it never made a difference, it just made everything worse, but whenever the memories came surging back like this, it was only a matter of time before he broke down.

_When he did, he always tried to stay quiet, because he didn't want anyone to hear him - not even Red - or else - they would find out how broken and weak and **worthless** he was - _

Someone was telling him that he was safe now, but it _had_ to be a lie, it _had_ to be.

It wasn't safe. 

Nowhere was safe.

Not for him.

__If anyone found out how truly broken he was, they would leave._ _

_He'd be left alone, and this time, no one would come back for him._

_He'd survived it once, after his father died._

_But he couldn't do it again._

He couldn't.

* * *

Shiro kept telling him it was safe, but it was clear the Red Paladin couldn't hear anything his friend said.

Pidge wanted to do _something_ to help, but unless she could invent a way to erase old scars, all she could do right now was hold onto Keith's hand and tell him it was going to be okay.

* * *

_He was so tired. He just wanted to rest._

_He wanted everyone to leave him **alone** and let him **rest**._

* * *

"I'm going to try reigniting his quintessence."

"Princess, are you sure that's -"

"I have to try."

* * *

Keith sensed it when someone stepped closer to him, even though he kept his eyes tight closed.

"Keith - it's me. It's Allura. I'm going to try and help you, all right?"

_Stop lying. Go **away**._

But his throat hurt too much to say anything, so he didn't bother answering.

When the palm of her hand came to rest against the center of his chest, his breath seized and he almost tried to throw her hand off, but she'd already started talking again. 

_Probably trying to reassure him that it was all going to be 'fine'._

"This won't fix everything - but it will help to speed the antidote's healing process, as well as reducing your recovery time."

He thought about opening one eye and glaring back up at her - whoever 'she' was - but he was _tired_.

_Tired, and hurting, and exhausted._

Once, he might have fought against whatever she was going to do next...but...there wasn't any point now.

* * *

When Allura closed her eyes and concentrated, she discovered that the Red Paladin's inner fires were surrounded by dark mists. It took a much greater effort than she'd anticipated to drive the worst of the mists away. Even with her help, it took Keith almost ten full quintents to get back to his usual self.

No one really mentioned what had happened in the hospital room, finding it a difficult subject to bring up, but they all took action in their own ways. 

Shiro made a point to spend more time on the training deck, so that if Keith felt up to it, they could have some one-on-one sparring practice.

Lance made it a point to offer Keith a high-five after successful missions. Eventually, it became a post-mission marker, something that happened so naturally it almost went unnoticed. 

When group hugs occurred, Hunk would encourage Keith to join in. The Red Paladin didn't do it very often at first, but eventually it became something he did without Hunk's encouragement.

Whenever she sat in the lounge, working on her computer, Pidge kept a few couch cushions to her right free of paper, wires, and other engineering debris, just in case Keith wandered in and wanted to sit down close to the door. Eventually it became their 'introverts unite' spot, where the two Arms of Voltron could spend hours together, saying nothing at all. Keith would read over reports from the Blade of Marmora, and Pidge would attempt (and usually succeed) in hacking into databases and downloading helpful information that Keith would take notes on.

At Allura's request, the mice investigated which snacks were Keith's favorite, and as a result, Coran tried to keep the kitchen cabinet nearest the training room well-stocked with them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left to go! 
> 
> I could have gone more into the hurt/comfort stuff with this chapter, but I've got /ideas/ for Ch. 6! :D 
> 
> Thanks again for leaving kudos and commenting - comments especially really help me stay encouraged and get more ideas. :D


	6. Beyond Your Limits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a breaking point, but Keith is more stubborn than the Druids expect.

It was so hard to tell how much time had passed in these dark cells and endless, purple-lit corridors. There was no sense of _time_  here, nothing to separate one day from the other except different forms of pain. Even then, the pain did nothing but remind Keith of how powerless he was.

The Blades had received information that the Druids were planning something huge, something even bigger than the Komar experiment. Keith had volunteered to go in, to scout things out and report back, but somewhere, somehow, things went wrong. 

He'd _almost_ made it to the extraction point, but the last door's control panels were melted at the last second from a stray shot of blaster fire, jamming the door tight shut, and then the guards had caught up to him. After that...

No. It hurt too much to remember. It was so much easier just to rest. Rest, and just let the pain fade away into darkness. 

That was all he had to do. 

 _Stop fighting_. 

* * *

Keith's eyes snapped open again, and he glared across the room.

"You're wasting your time," he snarled. "I already told you that I'm not telling you _anything_. Your freaky space magic won't work on me."

From the shadows, Macidus gave him a humorless thin-lipped smile. 

"Hmm. You'd be surprised at how many people say that until the real pain begins."

Keith's glare didn't falter. If anything, its intensity only grew.

"And _you_ would surprised at how perfectly you fit the list of villain tropes, _jackass_."

Macidus let out a sigh and waved a hand, almost distractedly.

"You've said that before, Paladin. Or something much like it. I grow weary of your endless retorts."

Lightning flared. Every muscle in Keith's body spasmed, and a few seconds later, he let out a harsh cry of pain.

At the sound, Macidus' smile flickered into life once more. 

"Ah," he said with obvious pleasure. "That's _much_ better."

* * *

The lightning vanished. Keith slumped back against the interrogation constraints and tried to catch his breath, still glaring across the room at the Druid. Gleaming magnetic cuffs held the Red Paladin's wrists and ankles in place against the table.

"Now," Macidus said, as if resuming a casual conversation. "You were going to tell me the Lions' location."

Keith bared his teeth at the Druid. Light glinted off of sharp points.

"-'s not - gonna - happen," he said. 

Macidus smiled again. This time, the expression did not reach his eyes.

"Oh, I think it will."

* * *

The Druid waved a hand, and something like a circlet woven from black and braided metal strips appeared within his reach. It looked almost like one of those Altean mind devices the Paladins had used in the past for training, but this thing was twisted and warped and melted into something almost completely unrecognizable. Keith eyed it warily, unsure of its purpose but intelligent enough to know that it meant nothing good for him.

Macidus took hold of the device, turning it over in his hands. When he spoke, his voice was casual, his tone almost conversational.

"I assume," he said, "that you know of Beta Traz."

Keith's pulse leapt into overdrive, but he didn't answer. He hadn't been on that mission, but he did remember Pidge and Lance telling him about Beta Traz. He remembered Pidge's revulsion at what the Galra had built in order to force Slav's brilliant mind to work for them.

She'd said it was some kind of torture device that forced the person wearing it to reveal ideas and information that the Galra could use.

_"They turned Slav's mind against him," she'd said, her shoulders hunched and furious as her fingers flew across her keyboard. "That's just **sick**."_

They turned his own mind against him.

_Oh... **shit**._

The device Macidus held began to flicker and pulse with a sinister black energy. The shadows on the wall behind him jumped and spun.

"Ah. I see that you do."

Keith swallowed before answering. 

_-think of something funny, think of something clever, don't let him know you're scared-it's what he wants to see-you don't have to make sense, you just have to annoy him-_

"...yeah...well...nice special effects there, Frollo."

Macidus raised an eyebrow, singularly unimpressed. 

"Hallucinating already, are you?"

Keith felt a hysterical laugh rising up inside his chest.

Was this what losing your mind felt like? He had no idea. He'd never lost his mind before.

 _At least, not permanently - it_ __had always come back -_ _

That joke was something Lance might have said. That thought made Keith smile, even if it was just for a second. So instead of beginning to gibber with fear - _that would definitely happen sooner or later_  - _who was he kidding, it was going to be sooner_ \- but all the same, he looked Macidus straight in the eyes and said, with as much dead-pan snark as he could muster, in his best Pidge impersonation,

"Every damn day."

* * *

Behind the mask, Macidus' eyes went flat and cold. When he spoke again, all trace of mocking interest was gone.

"So. You think you're _funny._ "

Keith shrugged - or, tried to. It was difficult to manage when strapped to a table. The only thing that was more difficult was trying not to show how frightened he was, because Keith knew this  _wasn't_ funny, not at all. _ **Funny**_ would be Macidus teleporting himself headfirst into a wall by accident, but that wasn't about to happen. The Druid wasn't that kind of villain. He wasn't going to make a dumb mistake and Keith wasn't going to get out of here by some lucky, random accident.

 _No._  Macidus was capable, competent, and cruel - and that meant that Keith was so, _so_ screwed.

* * *

From here, Keith could see the comms screen.

It wasn't as big as the Castle's comms screen, but it was big enough to show him the Castle's bridge. Even though the sounds coming from the screen were faint, he could still see that his friends were terrified for him, and that knowledge turned Keith's stomach.

He knew what Macidus was doing - the Druid was manipulating the team's emotions and using their attachment to their friend against them, and it made Keith's stomach churn in both revulsion and terror, because he'd had been at the mercy of someone who delighted in that sick kind of power play before.

It was part of the reason why he hated anyone touching his face, and medical tests, and why he got awful headaches so regularly. No matter how stubborn you were, or how hard you fought, or how thick your skull was - if someone _really_ wanted to hurt you, they could. He'd learned that lesson at a very young age.

He'd survived the experience, but years later, the nightmares still came, the flashbacks made him sick, and the scars ached.

But at least he'd survived.

This time, though...

On the screen, Lance was shouting something in Spanish that Keith thought was probably a very inventive string of threats or promises of dismemberment at the Druid.

The others were shouting too, and the noise helped Keith keep his mind focused on the present.

This time, he wasn't the only one in danger. His _team_ was under attack.

* * *

Keith ground his teeth together.

Damn it, he _wasn't_ going to just lie here and be used against his team - not without a fight.

So what could he do to derail the Druid's plan?

_People like Macidus were used to being taken seriously._

So, Keith shut his mind to what lay ahead and focused on being as annoyingly unimpressed with Macidus' theatrics as possible.

To be honest, it wasn't as difficult as might have been expected.

Even now, the Druid was threatening Keith with something or other - imminent agony, you'll wish you were dead, etc, etc, I will break you, Paladin, blah blah blah.

Macidus might be intimidatingly powerful, but god, he was _such_ an _asshole_.

* * *

Somewhere deep inside Keith's mind, the mind-numbing fear of the imminent pain paused just long enough to point out that Macidus _really_ liked to monologue.

_Okay. He could make fun of that._

"You done yet?" Keith asked. He intentionally kept his tone dismissive, insulting. "I mean, I know you probably have a word count or quota or something you try to meet, but this is just ridiculo-"

Forks of lightning snapped across the room, searing into his flesh, and Keith lost time to the pain.

Not awareness. That would have been a mercy.

Just time.

* * *

* * *

After applying an appropriate amount of voltage, Macidus took a moment to recover his temper. If he killed the Red Paladin before the transmission ended, an offer to trade the boy for the Lions would be rejected out of hand.

Macidus knew it wasn't a trade the Coalition would ever consider. All five Lions for one Paladin? It would be foolishness of the highest degree.

The Paladins, on the other hand, were known throughout the universe for their... _sentimentality_. 

Macidus' lip curled into a sneer as he turned back towards the communications screen.

 _Fools_. 

* * *

Sounds broke through the darkness. Voices, calling his name.

Keith tried to open his eyes, but his head _hurt_. It ached badly enough where he wanted to pass out, but the voices were familiar ones, and he needed to know if they were okay. When he finally managed to open his eyes, he saw several pale, wide-eyed faces displayed on the comms screen that hovered only two feet away from him.

_What was going on?_

Oh...right. He'd been captured. 

Keith hoped that he'd put up a good fight before the soldiers took him down, but he couldn't remember.

There was a lot of shouting going on.

He tried to cover his ears with his hands, but he couldn't raise his arms, or even sit up.

 _Why couldn't he sit up?_  

The Druid standing over him blocked out the light.

"Last chance, Paladin," the Druid said. "Tell me where the Lions are."

* * *

More than anything, Keith wanted to be brave, or at least _seem_ like he was, so that later, his friends wouldn't hate themselves for having to watch this happen.

But there was only so much he could do.

So he didn't say anything. Instead, just he shook his head. 

The Druid seemed to smile as he raised the twisted metal band of iron towards Keith's face.

"What a shame. Now. Hold still."

Keith couldn't have avoided that awful iron crown even if he'd had the strength to move. Instead, he just closed his eyes and curled his fingers into fists, wishing he could think of something acerbic to say, like Pidge, or something funny, like Lance, or even to ask a genuinely interested mechanical question about the foreign device's construction, like Hunk, or -

Filed iron points dug into his skin. Instinctively, Keith startled and tried to throw it off, but the pressure only increased as thin, white-hot flashes of pain stabbed into his head where the cold iron touched his flesh. 

No, it wasn't cold iron. Not anymore. 

It was growing warmer by the second - now it was hot - and then it - _burned_ -

Keith tried to dislodge the iron circlet by twisting first one way, and then the other, but it was embedded into his skin and it wasn't going anywhere.

_**God** , it hurt so **much.**_

The Druid watched with interest. 

"It seems you can sense the Mistress' quintessence in her creation," it commented. "How interesting. I've never seen someone so sensitive to a quintessence field before."

The skin on the back of Keith's neck crawled, and he hated himself for beginning to shiver in fear.

 _Haggar_.

_**Haggar** had made this thing._

_What was it going to do to his mind?_

The Druid raised a hand, and arcs of dark magic snapped outwards from its fingers and connected directly with the iron circlet where it lay on Keith's forehead.

The effect was immediate. 

 _Agony_.

He thought he might have screamed. Someone did. The words were barely understandable.

"- _please_ \- **_stop_** \- "

But the Druid ignored him. The excruciating agony spread to Keith's right temple, then to his neck, and then his left temple, and then his entire world went as white and silent as the first snowfall of winter. 

* * *

* * *

Emotions.

Memories. 

Thoughts.

 

So many colors. 

So much history.

Such _wasted_ potential.

 

Mentally, Macidus let out a short, regretful sigh.

If the boy had been found by the Empire even seven years before now, they might have had made a fine Druid out of him. He possessed a strategic mind as well as an impressive resilience to pain. Most of all, he had access to deep wellsprings of anger and fighting capability that would have served him well in Haggar's service.

Unfortunately, the boy had clearly been corrupted over time. Several abhorrent weaknesses were present, and such things were difficult to dislodge once their foundation was laid. Things like a personal loyalty or a fierce temper could be manipulated into the witch's service, if caught early enough - but perhaps, with time, and enough...persuasion, this Keith might still prove useful to the witch in some way.

As if in reaction to Macidus' thoughts, the swirling images and sounds began to take on a bloodstained color. 

**NO.**

The Druid checked the device. All was well. The Lion could not track the boy's quintessence through this device, as long as Macidus shut it off in time.

But, he  _had_ to find the Lion's location before time ran out. He began to scan over the varied information once again, more quickly this time. 

Again, the swirling maelstrom pulsed a deep and angry red, forcing Macidus away from any memories of either the Lions or the Castle.

**_NO!_ **

The Druid frowned. The boy's mind should have shattered long since. The genius scientist for whom this device had been created had cracked in half a varga. Surely a mere Blade couldn't hold up longer than a few dobashes.

At least the device was having an effect on the young Blade. Even as Macidus began scanning through the Red Paladin's memories, he saw the boy's muscles begin to seize. The contortions became violent enough to raise Keith's back off of the examination table for a span of five tics or more at a time before slamming him back down onto the har, cold surface. The fifth time that happened, Macidus noted with some interest that blood was dripping down the back of the Paladin's head, and once it reached the edge of the table, it fell in steady droplets and left small splatters of red on the floor.  

 _Fascinating_. 

According to the records, Champion had exhibited similar signs of physical distress when under accumulated pain stimuli. Perhaps it was a commonality shared among certain humans. He'd have to check that later.

Speaking of humans...the stupid things hadn't stopped calling the boy's name ever since the screen had been activated. Macidus considered muting the screen, then decided against it. They were  _idiot_ species. It would do them well to witness proof of that fact.

Sentiment was _weakness_. It lead to corruption, which lead to defeat. 

_Victory or death. That was the true Galra way._

Something flared a deep, dull, angry red in the very heart of the maelstrom. 

**_...no_...**

Macidus' smile was a fleeting thing, but it was genuine.

Ah. The boy was getting weaker. 

 _Excellent_.

* * *

Keith wasn't stupid. Within five seconds of the device being activated, he _knew_ what Macidus was looking for - recent memories that included the Lions or the Paladins - but he figured a spell or a device that specific had to have a time limit. 

So, if Keith could somehow delay Macidus, he could still beat him, still protect his team.

Back at the Garrison, Keith had practiced basic mental exercises for focusing on difficult tasks, or to help him remember information for tests. It wasn't much, but it was all he had.

So, if Macidus wanted memories, he'd get them. 

It just wouldn't be the ones the Druid wanted.

* * *

* * *

Macidus frowned. Instead of memories with the Lions, the only ones flashing through the holographic imagery were ones of flat, empty desert by day, or by night a campfire, bright enough to drown out even the faint constellations in the sky above.

This would not do.

Time was short. His Mistress desired results. It was time to break this insolent half-breed.

Macidus raised one clawed hand and focused his will upon the influx of memories.

He'd have to _take_ what he needed.

* * *

As the first wave of malicious energy swept over him, Keith's defenses wavered. He felt Macidus' cold gaze flit over Keith's memories of finding the markings in the caves that lead to the Blue - 

Keith pushed back, angry and frightened and furious because it  _wasn't right_ that Macidus should see his memories of the Lions - _it wasn't right and he **wouldn't** let it happen-_

The Druid flicked Keith's attack away as if it were a flea.

Other memories were viewed - the group finding Blue - the wormhole that led them to the Castle - walking down the hallways - the Alteans awakening - 

Keith wanted to scream in frustrated fury, because his friends were in danger and he needed to protect them - _he needed to **protect** them -_

He managed to push the Druid away again, desperately focusing on an image of riding a hoverbike through the desert as a smokescreen, but it was getting harder and harder to think - his head _ached_  and _pounded_ as if nails were being driven through his eyes - and the Druid knew what he was doing, and all Keith had to fight with were -

 _Memories_.

Keith felt his heart go cold. Even through the panic at Macidus' continued mental attack, he heard scratchings at the far corners of his mind.

_No._

_No, no, no._

Macidus was bad enough. Keith didn't want to see another monster in his thoughts - not again - not - _ever_ \- again -  

* * *

But in that instant, Keith _knew_ there was no time for any other option.

Not if he wanted to protect his friends.

Oh, god.

His _friends_. 

His friends were watching this. 

They might - they might see - and - and then things would change - they would have to - it had _always_ \- happened that way - before - but -

But Macidus was almost at the memory of Keith and Lance racing their Lions straight into the ground, and the thought of Macidus seeing **_any_** time Keith had spent with his friends made the Red Paladin's stomach roil and churn in revulsion.

The Druid didn't deserve to see those memories. They were Keith's, and his alone. They were his, _damn it_ , and he wasn't going to let some jackass Druid use his brain as a quintessence tracking device to hunt down the people Keith cared for.

His mind wasn't just a plaything for Macidus, to be used and thrown aside after it had served its purpose.

* * *

_Keith didn't dwell very often on his past._

_He didn't join in when the others talked about places they'd traveled with their families or friends. He found other places to be whenever Hunk and Lance reminisced about growing up as next-door neighbors, with siblings and grandparents and parents all intermingling like one large extended family. If Pidge and Shiro got to talking about Matt and Sam, Keith would let them have their space and head towards the training deck. Sometimes he'd train for hours, only returning to his room after the others had already gone to bed. When Allura and Coran spoke about Altea, and its traditions and holidays and history, he didn't ask them many questions, even though the others did._

_There were a lot of reasons why Keith remained quiet about his past, and why he studiously tried to avoid answering any well-meant (or prying) queries Hunk or Lance occasionally sent his way._

_The simple truth was that for a long time, Keith had been alone._

_After losing his father in the fire that destroyed his home, he'd been sent to one family after another, each one returning him to the social worker after a shorter and shorter length of time. He came to realize that in a world where people said that 'family meant **everything** ', he had nothing to offer. _

_When Shiro befriended him, it was the first time in years that Keith felt that maybe - just maybe - that things like friendship, and teamwork, and affection could become a possibility for him._

_There were things in Keith's past that he'd survived. Ugly things, things that still made his heart stutter in fear whenever they crossed his mind, that still haunted his worst nightmares and caused him to wake up screaming._

_He'd managed to live with the memories, but he'd never wanted the others to know the details._

_Now, though, he was out of options, and out of time._

So, in a last, desperate effort of will, Keith slammed shut every door in his mind except one, in order to safeguard his most precious and treasured memories.

_His father. Meeting Shiro. Flying with Red._

_Everything_ and _anything_ that included his friends, Keith barricaded and locked down tight, hiding it away from the Druid's prying eyes.

_He **wasn't** going to endanger the people he cared for._

In the same moment, Keith kicked down the door that kept back the memories that scared him the most. In the same instant, he brought down the wall he'd built up over that doorway over years and _years_ of careful detachment and calculated interactions. He imagined the door and the wall _exploding_ into bits and shards of shrapnel, and he aimed each and every one of those shards at Macidus.

The inside of the dark room on the Druid's ship lit up as if a blood-stained sun had come out from behind pitch-black clouds, and an instant later, red-tinted shards of shadow screamed into being and began tearing into the walls, sending bits and shards of shrapnel whirling through the air like a massive sandstorm that only gained force as it whirled on, and on, and on.

* * *

Macidus let out a confused shout of discomfort and anger. Keith thought the Druid might have actually stumbled backwards in shock. He clearly hadn't expected the equivalent of a force of nature going off barely three feet away from him.

 _That's right, **jackass** , _Keith thought viciously. _You wanted to see my memories? Well, here they are. **All yours.**_

Keith used the emotions from the broken place in his mind like fireworks, blinding and loud and everywhere at once. The thoughts he used as tripwires, snaring and entangling and delaying progress. Most of all, Keith threw everything he had into making the memories' noises _louder_ , the sensations _tangible_ , and the sights _ingrained_  into the Druid's consciousness. 

He'd had never thrown down with a Druid in a mental battle before, but he gave it everything he had, despite the unknown risks or likely side effects. He chose to use this second set of memories as an all-out attack, and to _hell_ with the consequences. 

_He'd choose protecting his friends over keeping his sanity any day of the **fucking** week._

* * *

The device died in an explosion of sparks. Keith felt a momentary surge of grim delight in his accomplishment, but as he'd expected, the consequences of such an effort were both immediate and extreme.

Even as the prying, malicious energy drained away from his mind, what little remained of Keith's awareness reeled in pain. There was a disconnected sensation of falling, and a ringing in his ears, as if he'd been too close to a gun range when a whole battalion of soldiers fired all at once. 

The pain in his mind skyrocketed, and he thought he saw Macidus let out a snarl of rage. 

The last thought that crossed his mind before the dull whiteness clouded his senses was:

_...wow...he...sure...looks...angry..._

* * *

* * *

Macidus snarled in frustration and disgust. The stupid Blade had managed to delay him. But, once the mind-reading device was recharged with the neccessary amount of quintessence, he knew that he could finally break the half-breed once and for all. 

"He'll be **begging** me to kill him after the next time," Macidus spat to himself. "The little _brat_."

The Druid had already re-evaluated his earlier opinion of the Red Paladin. He'd been mistaken. Someone with these - _protective instincts_ \- here, Macidus actually shuddered in revulsion at the concept - could never have been made a Druid.

Those not strong enough to defend themselves deserved whatever fate the stronger had in store for them.

Victory or death.

_Speaking of which..._

Macidus turned back towards the comms screen, composing his face into a strained, tooth-gratingly wide smile under the mask. He didn't need to smile, of course. The mask hid all expression. But it was important to sound sincere when making the offer of a trade.

* * *

The white light faded. It took Keith a few moments to remember where he was.

The effort of repelling Macidus' mental attack had made him feel even worse than he had before. He let out a groan, taking stock of what hurt, and how much.

Headache...no, migraine. Worst one he'd _ever_ had, which was saying something. 

Somewhere nearby, someone was swearing...and someone else was crying...but who would...

_Oh._

_Comms screen._

_Right._

As awareness returned, Keith heard Macidus talking to his teammates over the comms screen, making the predictable demands. 'Trade the Lions for the Red Paladin, or know that Keith would die a horrible, drawn-out, long and painful _death_ ,' etc etc, take torture as read, horrible torments, blah blah blah, general terrors and agony to proceed said death.

_Did this guy practice in the mirror every day or something?_

Keith wanted to say something acerbic, or clever, or annoying, but his head pounded with pain, and it was all he could do not to throw up.

The team was looking back at him again, and Keith didn't want to cause them any more distress than they were already feeling. 

Oh, _god_ , everything hurt. His mind, his body, everything ached. He felt so hollow inside.

 _ **They all know now,** _the voice inside his head said. _**They know how broken you are.**  _

Keith took in a deep breath, and then another.

_It hurt. Everything **hurt**._

Macidus asked Allura for her answer.

Keith wanted to tell her not to listen to the Druid, that she could never give up the Lions for him, but his voice wouldn't work. It failed him, as it had so many times before. But he was able to slit one eye half-way open just in time to see that Allura was as pale as a ghost as she gave the only answer she could.

"We will not leave the universe defenseless against evil."

* * *

Keith kept still, willing himself not to move. He told himself it was fine.

_He had known she'd say that. He had **wanted** her to say that._

It was the right choice.

 _It **was**_.

At that exact moment, Macidus turned to face him, as if he'd sensed Keith's return to consciousness. The Druid tilted his head to one side in that creepy way they had. 

"Ah, you heard that, Paladin?" Macidus asked, nodding at the holo-screen where the other Paladins and the Alteans still watched. "Pity. It seems that you are of no value to them."

Keith glared at the Druid but averted his eyes from the comms screen, hoping his friends couldn't see how much he was shivering. It was cold in the interrogation chamber, and all he had on was his battered and beat-up flight suit. It was better than nothing, though.

But he wasn't shivering because of the cold. 

_He was shaking because he was scared._

**_Damn it._ **

He couldn't look back at his friends because if he did, he wouldn't be able to keep from showing just how terrified he already was.

 _Damn it, this was **stupid** \- he'd **known** they couldn't trade the Lions for him - and he didn't want them to do that, he **didn't** \- but -_ 

* * *

The Druid smiled down at him, and his teeth were very sharp.

"After all, why else would they refuse?”

For a moment, Keith couldn't answer. His throat was too tight. The voice inside his head that never allowed him to rest was whispering at him, smug and satisfied and preening. 

_-It was the memories, of course it was, you let them see what happened to you, and now **they don't want you anymore-**_

Keith ground his teeth together. The steadily increasing pain behind his eyes made thinking nearly impossible. It twisted his stomach into knots, and he swallowed again, desperately trying not to stammer.

"...'s...b-because..."

_-you're not worth a rescue attempt, you're too broken, they'll just cut their losses and move on, **you're worthless to them now** -_

He pushed the thoughts away, but it was so _difficult_ , because the metal band around his head was steadily tightening around his temples...shit, the pain was _awful_...even closing his eyes didn't help the pain go away...

"Well, _Paladin_? I'm still waiting for your answer."

Keith forced out the words he wanted to believe.

"...it's..not..."

He had to pause and catch his breath.

"... _I'm_...not...worth losing a war...over."

The pounding inside his head slammed against his thoughts.

_-some fighter you are, look at you, captured and helpless, **you're useless and you always have been -**_

Macidus laughed. It was a genuinely disturbing sound.

"Come now, Paladin. Tell the truth. Don’t you _want_ your team to come for you?"

* * *

Keith felt something prick at the corners of his eyes, and he shook his head, still unable to look back at either Macidus or the comms screen.

He wouldn't cry. He _wouldn't_ , not in front of the others, not when Macidus was forcing them to watch this.

_He **did** want them to come for him - but **not** if it meant losing the Lions to the Druids - not even if it meant he'd die alone -_

At that, the dark metal circlet tightened so quickly that it broke the skin, and this time, the throbbing, aching, pounding pulses of agony didn't stop. 

_-you're a **liar** , you're **broken** , you're **useless** , you're **worthless** , you're a **failure** , you're a **coward** , you're a **traitor** for wanting them to come save you-_

* * *

"You didn't answer my second question, _Paladin_ ," Macidus said. "Don't you want them to come for you?"

A hero in a book or a movie would probably have had some witty comeback, but all Keith could manage was a twitching, almost convulsive shake of his head.

"- _n-no_ ," he ground out, still not looking at the comms screen.

_He wasn't a good enough liar to fool them if he looked back up at them now. If he did, they would see how afraid he was - and they would hate themselves for it -_

The device digging into his skull began to hum with gathering energy, and although he clenched his hands into fists, Keith did his best not to groan again.

_Don't show how much it hurts. Don't show it. Don't make it harder on them._

Something in the back of his mind began screaming in terror at what lay in store for him, but he forced it back into the shadows.

_There was **fire** behind his eyes. It burned and hurt and ached and seared beyond anything he'd experienced before._

If he thought about what Macidus was going to do to him, he'd lose it, right here and now.

 _Just breathe,_ Keith told himself. _Don't let them see you're afraid._

"You're _lying_ ," Macidus said, and he almost sounded pleased. "You _do_ want them to come for you."

Keith shook his head again, the motion almost frantic.

"... _ **no**_..." he managed.  "I - I  _don't -_  "

Stabbing pain slammed into his skull, and he lost track of how long it lasted that time. But when he awoke again, Macidus was still standing over him, looking smug, asking him the question for a third and final time.

_"Don't you want them to come for you?"_

Keith could barely see now, the pain was so bad. He tried to turn onto his side, to get as far away from the comms screen as he could, because he didn't want to answer. If he did, he would tell the truth, and that's what Macidus _wanted_ , he wanted to hurt the others, and he would use Keith to do it -

Then _another_ bolt of dark magic struck the circlet, and it burned and ached and froze Keith's blood all at once and all he could do was convulse and scream until it stopped.

* * *

* * *

After that, Macidus waited for Keith's answer. 

When none came, the Druid took forceful hold of Keith's chin and forced the Red Paladin to look at the comms screen. 

"They already know," the Druid said. "You might as well admit it."

When the Red Paladin dazedly shook his head and tried to turn his face away again, Macidus tightened his grip until his clawtips drew blood, keeping the boy in place so he had no other choice but to look back at his friends.

"If you don't," Macidus said, in an almost conversational manner, "I'll let your brain _boil_  inside your skull."

There was a violent retching sound from the comms screen. Macidus looked up just in time to see the Yellow Paladin clutch at a nearby chair for support. 

 _Weakling_.

Just to make his point perfectly clear, Macidus sent another brief snatch of lightning throughout the Red Paladin's body, causing the boy to cry out in pain once more. 

* * *

* * *

Everyone had a breaking point.

Keith knew that.

He just...hadn't thought he would break so easily.

"...please...s...stop.... _please_..."

The lightning vanished, but Keith knew it would be back. Macidus wasn't going to let him live much longer. He didn't see Keith as anything more than a mildly entertaining distraction.

_\- but he didn't want to die, he didn't want to die here, alone and in pain and afraid - he wanted to go home, he wanted to be with his friends again -_

Somewhere nearby, Macidus was laughing.

"I see you've run out of insolence," he said. "How interesting. That took barely any effort on my part."

Another burst of energy struck the iron band. Keith screamed and twisted from side to side, but the Druid waited for over a full dobash to negate the energy field keeping the spell in place. Even after he did so, aftershocks still coursed throughout Keith's body, causing his muscles to twitch and his limbs to spasm without rhythm or predictability.

"Anything else you wanted to say to your _friends_?" the Druid asked caustically. " _Do_ choose wisely. You haven't much time left."

* * *

Keith wasn't sure when he'd started sobbing, but the pain made time meaningless. Time no longer existed. There was only red-hot fire coursing throughout his blood and his mind and nothing would ever be the same again, because he _was_ worthless, he _was_  weak, he _was_ a failure - he'd gotten captured and no one would be coming for him, he was going to die alone and no one would remember him.

_It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. Nothing had **ever** hurt as much as this._

_He wanted to go home. He wanted the Castle to appear right in front of Macidus' ship, he wanted Red to come bursting in through the wall, he wanted to be back with his friends._

_Allura could open portals, she could do that, if she did it fast enough maybe he could make it out of here and maybe then the pain would **stop**._

_Someone, anyone, please, please, please,_ _just_ _make the pain go away._

_Please please please please please_ _help_ _me help me help me_

_Allura, please, help me - Red, it hurts, it **hurts** , I can't do this anymore, please - Shiro - someone - anyone - please -_

"...'llura...help me... _please_..."

The lightning abruptly vanished from the air around him, and a delighted laugh sounded from the shadows where the Druid stood. 

For an instant, Keith didn't understand what had happened.

Then he heard someone crying over the comms, telling him she was sorry, she was _so_ sorry, but she _couldn't_ , not with the universe in danger.

_Allura._

...he'd...asked...no, _begged_...and...

_Macidus was still laughing._

Keith wanted to be _sick_. 

* * *

After that, he couldn't bring himself to even glance back up at the comms screen, because he'd failed, he'd failed his _friends_  and he'd failed the _mission_ and he'd failed _Red_ -

Macidus kept laughing, and all of Keith's anger, rage, and shame condensed into one last burst of energy that he used to turn his head and throw up over the side of the examination table.

_He'd been going to do it anyway. Might as well try to hit Macidus with the mess._

But the Druid simply vanished and reappeared at Keith's other shoulder, looking down, eyes contemptuous behind the mask.

"Idiot _child_ ," the Druid said. "I know how to break you. You showed it to me yourself."

Keith stared up at the Druid, the bottom dropping out of his stomach.

"What're you-"

"You _hate_ being alone," the Druid said. So saying, he summoned a gleaming, pulsing star of black light into his palm. "So that's what I'll make you."

So saying, the Druid grabbed hold of Keith by the chin once more and settled the pulsing black star of dark energy between the Red Paladin's eyes.

Fear lent Keith a last, desperate burst of strength.

_\- no, please, don't, I don't want to be alone again, please -_

He tried to throw off Macidus' grip, but the Druid only slammed the back of Keith's head against the interrogation table with a force that brooked no argument.

After that, there was only a flash of black light and then...nothing.

* * *

As always, it was the _noise_ of the impact that Keith registered more than the discomfort, at least in the beginning. Everything went away except for the noise. The pain would follow, but for now, there was only a ringing sound in his ears and a dazed sort of confusion.

Idly he wondered how long it would take him to regain his sense of balance this time. Usually he could get up and walk normally within moments of getting slammed against a door or a wall...but once or twice, when he'd tried to walk, he ended up staggering so much that he'd had to rely on the wall for support until he got back to his room.

_But that had been **years** ago...hadn't it...?_

Without any warning whatsoever, someone hit him hard across the face. 

_...or...maybe he **was** still back there..._

Fear caused his heart-rate to spike, but Keith did his best to keep his eyes closed and his breathing even.

_It wasn't a big deal, he could handle this, he just had to take it as it came -_

"Wake up, boy."

Keith didn't want to open his eyes. His head was spinning, and he felt like he might throw up again.

_\- maybe he'd get lucky and whoever this was would get bored and go away -_

He didn't know who had hit him, but it hardly mattered.

_What mattered was surviving._

Another blow fell, this one across the other side of his face. 

_Fucking **really**? _

"I said _wake up_."

Keith's momentary surge of irritation vanished.

_Shit, I'm in trouble. Must have done something to piss them off. Move move **move**._

But when Keith tried to move, he found that he couldn't. 

_Shit._

Fear surged through him.

_I can't move I can't move **why can't I move**  -_

* * *

With a painful intake of breath, Keith started fully awake, trying to take in all of his surroundings at once.

_Everything seemed so dark. He couldn't see anything._

Fear slammed into him again, so strong that it was almost a physical blow.

_The dark was dangerous. It hid enemies. He had to get out of here._

His head _**hurt**_.

It hurt even more when someone grabbed hold of Keith's hair and yanked his head backwards until all he could see were sickly purple lights and black shadows at the corners of his vision.

_Where the hell was he?_

The room around him came into dim focus.

_He was...in a prison cell...or...something...like a...prison cell..._

_God_ , his head hurt so badly. It was getting harder and harder to see anything at all.

_When had the lights gotten so **bright?**_

Then the fingers clutching his hair went _tight_ , forcing Keith to turn his head towards a brightly glowing comms screen, which was a form of torture all by itself. The blue light stabbed like daggers into Keith's eyes, but when he tried to close them, he got hit across the face again.

_...got...it...keep...both eyes...open..._

"It seems this Paladin is more resilient than many other prisoners," a voice at his shoulder said. It sounded vaguely interested. "Most of your species would be dead by now, wouldn't they? Personally, I've always found head trauma to be more of an art than a science."

_... **species**...? What the fuck...?_

Keith knew he shouldn't say anything, but the question came before he'd even realized he was talking.

 _"..._ what're...you..."

Abruptly, clawed fingertips dug into the sides of his face, forcing him to be silent, and Keith went as still as stone. 

" _Shut up_ ," the voice from before snarled. "I'm _talking_."

Keith immediately clamped his teeth tight shut, doing his best to remain completely silent.

_He didn't want to get his mouth taped shut. That was what happened when he asked too many questions._

_He'd learned that when he was seven years old._ _From then on, he'd just searched for the answers on his own. It was better than risking the alternative._

* * *

As the voice at his shoulder continued to speak, Keith tried to focus his eyes on the screen in front of him.

There were people looking back at him.

He didn't recognize them.

But it seemed like they knew him - or at least, they knew his name. His _first_ name. They kept saying it, like they knew him.

 _That was...weird_...

At Garrison, the only name anyone called him was Kogane.

_Shiro had known his first name, but Shiro was gone. _He'd died on the Kerberos mission.__

That knowledge was enough to make the room tilt and whirl around Keith. He wanted to cry, but he didn't dare move or do anything other than remain still and wait to see if the person standing at his shoulder would get bored and leave.

One of the people on the screen looked like Shiro...but it couldn't be him, because Shiro didn't have a metal arm, or white hair, or a scar over his face. Still, the eyes were almost...

_**No**. Shiro was **gone**._

Keith would have given anything to have his friend back, but it could never happen.  People didn't come back from the dead just because you missed them. His father was dead, and he'd never come back.

* * *

_These people - who were they?_

They all wore armor of some kind, or at least a uniform.

_...were they...military...?_

Two of the people onscreen looked... _really_ different. They had weird markings underneath their eyes. 

_Were those...actual...aliens?_

A name came to him, as if from somewhere deep in his memory.

_Alteans._

"...it...sorta...s'nds like...aliens..." 

Keith hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud again until the voice at his shoulder snapped in sudden rage.

" _What did I **just** tell you_?"

The cold anger in that single phrase made the hairs on the back of Keith's neck stand straight up. 

_Shit, how stupid **was** he, interrupting someone while they were talking -_

"-I'm sorry -" 

Clawed fingers gripped hold of his face again, yanking Keith up and forwards, bringing his chin up as far from the surface of the table as the restraints would allow.

"- please, I'm _sorry_ -"

"Do you have anything _else_ to _say?_ " the voice asked, somehow soft and threatening at the same time.

Fear turned into panic, and Keith squeezed his eyes tight shut and shook his head from side to side. He didn't know what else to do.

_He knew he was in trouble, but he hadn't meant to be rude - he hadn't meant to -_

The grip on his face went tighter, the claw tips digging into even deeper into his skin. Keith couldn't hold back a whimper as the voice spoke directly into his ear.

"That's _not_ a proper apology."

A few retorts came to mind, but Keith swallowed them back down. The last thing he wanted was for this person - whoever it was - to get even angrier at him.

As if sensing his thoughts, the grip around his face grew tighter, and pain shot through his jaw and chin. Before he could stop himself, Keith cringed backwards, trying to ease the pressure, but the grip only grew more vice-like. The additional pressure make the aching, pounding agony behind Keith's eyes spike, and it was enough to draw tears from his eyes.

He already know an apology wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't be enough.

_Nothing he did was **ever**  good enough._

When the voice spoke again, it was poisonously sweet.

" _Well_?"

Keith gulped and tried not to let the tears fall.

_If they did, this person would get even more angry - tell him he was making a big deal out of nothing - and then it would hurt more -_

" 'm-s-sorry," he tried to say, but it came out as barely more than a whisper, and as he had feared, the delay in immediate acquiescence only made the situation worse.

The clawed fingertips pressed in deeper, almost drawing blood. Keith went completely still in terror, the pain behind his eyes now pulsing steadily in time with his accelerated heartbeat.

"You're Sorry... _what_?"

It took Keith a few seconds to gather himself.

 _He couldn't risk messing this next part up._  

"...'m sorry... _s-sir_..." he managed.

_please believe me please believe me and let me go please please **please**_

The voice chuckled, and the sound turned Keith's blood to ice. 

"Hmm. _So_ close."

White-hot agony slammed into him again, and all Keith could do was scream.

* * *

When at last it was over, Keith slumped back down onto the interrogation table, doing his best to stay quiet, even though his head ached so badly that he wanted to throw up again.

_That's how it worked, they got mad and hurt you, but if you said or did anything, or reacted at all, they would get even angrier, and hurt you again, and it was always worse the second time, so -_

The person at his shoulder - _Macidus, he'd said his name was Macidus_  - spoke in a practical manner, even as he yanked once more on Keith's hair, forcing him to look at the comms screen again.

"Well, Princess? I have taken your Paladin's skills away. He is no longer of any use to you. You may end the transmission if you desire."

_...Princess?..._

One of the people with the strange markings - a girl with white hair - spoke, and it sounded as if she'd been crying.

_...why would she be...crying...?_

"Macidus, you've made your point. Stop this."

Macidus smiled.

"I was _hoping_ you'd say that, Princess. But I think not."

He turned back towards Keith, who still searched the faces on the screen as if trying to remember the name of a person he'd only met once, a very long time ago.

* * *

This time, Keith couldn't even put words to the faces he saw.  It was as if he were seeing them through thick glass. The constant agony in his head and in his chest were almost physically tangible obstacles that prevented him from forming independent thoughts of his own.

"What do you see, boy?"

When Keith didn't answer, Macidus went on, his words like snakes in the grass.

"Do you remember how they said they were your friends?"

Keith looked between the Druid and the screen, confusion written over his face.

"...but I don't...I don't have friends," he said. "I'm not..." 

He blinked, swallowed, and looked down at the floor.

"...I just...don't."

Macidus removed his mask, still smiling. Somehow, the expression was even more unnerving than the mask had been.

"That's right, half-breed."

Keith winced at the words, but didn't respond.

There wasn't any point in saying more.

* * *

There was horrified silence for a few seconds.

"... _Keith_?"

When Keith focused on the speaker, he saw that it was a short person, wearing green, with wild amber hair and huge golden eyes. She sounded like she was about to burst into tears.

"Don't you - don't you know who we are?"

Keith frowned in concentration, but the information just wouldn't come to him.

"...I...I don't...think so..." he said, stumbling over the last few words because the girl's eyes were filling up. 

_Nice going, Keith. You just made a girl **cry.**_

Keith tried to fix his mistake. 

_For some reason, he didn't like seeing her sad. He wanted to help._

"...uh...should...I...?"

She chose her next words carefully, even as tears dripped down from behind her glasses and onto the floor.

"We've - we've seen each other before. Do you - uh, do you remember where?"

Keith tried to remember, he _really_ did. He didn't want to make her sadder than she already was.

"...was it...was it in... school...?" he asked, but then pain radiated from the iron band around his head, and he couldn't keep his eyes open _._

_Please, let the pain stop, please, please, just for a second, it **hurts**..._

"...'m sorry..." he said after a minute. "I...I'm not good...with names..."

_It hurt too much to say more._

* * *

Macidus waved a hand in the direction of the Red Paladin, and as Keith's screams filled the room once more, the Druid turned back towards the comms screen and smiled a very shark-like smile.

"By now, your friend has forgotten you even exist," the Druid purred. " _Such_ a shame. He did care for each of you _so very much_." His sneer was almost as terrifying as the device that seemed to have burnt away Keith's memories.

Shiro had long since gone as still and as quiet as a statue, but his eyes burned with the fire of a supernova. When he spoke, his voice was quiet.

" _Macidus_." 

The Druid turned, his sneer still smug and secure on his face.

"Ah, the mighty Champion. What say you to this development?"

Shiro didn't raise his voice or step forwards, but his words sent chills up and down Coran's spine all the same.

" _When_ I find you, I will wipe you from existence so throughly that there will not be a single molecule left behind that could serve as identification for your corpse."

Macidus' sneer didn't falter for a moment. 

"And how will you accomplish that particular miracle of science?" he asked. "You can't track our ship, and you know that if _any_ of you try to leave the bridge, I'll kill the boy before you reach the door. The same goes for the Lions, of course."

Shiro's already pale face went bone-white. Hunk swallowed and looked at the door that would lead to his Lion. Macidus went on, taking great pleasure in seeing their reactions.

"I wonder what the Red Lion is feeling now.  _Imagine_  her Paladin's confusion when I torture him for information about a war he doesn't remember joining. I think - yes, I think I'll tell him the truth."

Allura forced herself to ask the question.

"Which is?"

The Druid's teeth were very sharp.

"Only fools defy the Galra Empire. I'll make certain he learns that lesson before I kill him."

* * *

As far as pain thresholds went, Keith decided he now had an entirely new understanding of what it meant to lose one's mind. He hadn't known it was possible to hit a **twenty** on a scale that only had the numbers one to ten, but it seemed that Macidus excelled at breaking a person's limits.

For whatever twisted reason of his own, the Druid kept the comms screen active throughout the entire process.

It was like he enjoyed twisting the knife into injuries just to see the victim cringe. Keith found himself doing his best not to look directly into Macidus' face, which was empty and cold in an expression of dark enjoyment.

_Damn, this Druid was psychotic, even by Haggar's messed up standards._

_Wait._

_Haggar?_

Another jolt of pain, stronger than before, radiated from between his eyes, and Keith threw up over the side of the examination table. 

 _Strange. Keith could have sworn he'd done that before now - and on purpose._ _Why couldn't he remember the reason?_

The girl on the screen - the one with the glasses - was crying now, but Keith didn't know _why_.

_...that was what he couldn't understand..._

_What was the point of torturing a stranger in front of these people?_

It didn't make any _sense_.

_Who were these people looking back at him, and why did they seem so affected whenever Macidus hurt him?_

_It wasn't as if **they** were the ones getting hurt._  

_So why would they care?_

* * *

* * *

Macidus frowned. Truly, this boy was far more stubborn than the Druids had given him credit for. 

Perhaps the device had been damaged during that disaster at Beta Traz.

Yes, that had to be it.

* * *

Somehow, Keith knew there were empty spaces in his memory.

He didn't know _how_ he knew, precisely - but he did.

The people on the comms screen in front of him were _important_ to him.

He was certain of that much.

He didn't remember how that had come to be, exactly, but something told him that they were more important to him than anything else in the universe.

One of them - the one in the blue jacket - had even said that Keith was their _friend_.

_He hadn't thought he could ever make friends._

So despite the pain that slammed through his skull with every heartbeat, Keith focused on trying to remember something, _anything_ , about the people in front of him.

It hurt. It hurt worse than he could have believed possible.

But he wanted to get those memories back, if he could - and even if he couldn't recall their names or their adventures together, he wanted to be near them and learn about them and get to know each and every one of them  _all over again_. 

Friends were worth that, and more.

_Hell, it might even be sort of fun._

With that, something cracked and broke inside the circle of metal. As it fell onto the floor, Keith's mind cleared.

In a flash, he  ** _did_** remember the people he saw before him. He remembered names, and faces, and food goo fights, and a million other things.

_How could he ever have forgotten?_

Then Macidus snarled and sent another bolt of purple energy at Keith's head, and the pain redoubled. 

_Oh. Right. Evil, magically induced migraine/mind wipe attempt. Yeah...that would just about do it._

* * *

After what felt like hours, Keith wanted to turn over onto his side, to get away from the bright lights, but when he tried, _another_ pulse of electricity shot through the cuffs holding him in place against the interrogation table and it _hurt_ and it wouldn't stop - it just went on - and on - 

_Please stop please stop please please **please**_

\- someone was screaming - _who was screaming_ \- the sound was _awful_ - 

Then the current cut off, and Keith was able to breathe again. It hurt. His throat was sore. He tried to gulp in more air, because maybe that would help, but the tip of a knife pressed against his neck, right underneath his chin, and he froze into place, trying to keep from breathing in too deeply.

Words filtered through the haze of pain.

_Trade. Hostage. Lions._

Keith knew he didn't want Macidus to get the Lions, but he also didn't want to die. Not here, not now, not like this - not like this -

But trading one Paladin for the Lions would mean the death of the Coalition, and Keith wouldn't be a part of that. Not _ever_.

He tried to say so, tried to tell his friends that it was fine, but the knife dug deeper into his skin, forcing his chin higher, and it _hurt_ and his muscles were trembling and he couldn't make it stop.

He couldn't pretend he wasn't scared.

* * *

Macidus said something else, yanking on Keith's hair and forcing the Red Paladin's head back again, sliding the tip of the knife diagonally across the lower half of the Red Paladin's face, coming up towards his eye. 

Adrenaline raced through Keith's system. His hands began to shake again, swiftly followed by his entire body. The restraints on his wrists and ankles bit into his skin, but that was the least of his worries. 

_His eye. Macidus was going to - no - no - NO -_

But when the Red Paladin tried to wrench free from the Druid's grip, Macidus only chuckled and pressed the knife blade deeper into the wound.

Screams and cries sounded from the comms scream, and even though Keith wanted to tell them it was okay, that he understood why they couldn't trade the Lions, he was still terrified and afraid and he just wanted to go _home._

* * *

Through his tears, Keith managed to keep his gaze locked onto the comms screen.

He _really_ didn't want the last thing he ever saw to be an evil Druid.

_He wanted it to be his friends._

The faces on the screen were blurry now, but he could still make out some details. Hunk had lurched to one side and thrown up, Lance's eyes were as cold and deadly as midwinter ice, and Pidge was swearing at the Druid, tear streaks fogging up her glasses. Allura's face was ghastly white, Coran's hands were shaking with rage, and Shiro was-

Shiro...wasn't there.

For an instant, Keith could only stare at the empty spot on the screen. 

_Why...why wasn't...Shiro..._

Then there was a silent flash of purple energy, and Macidus' voice suddenly cut off, his tirade ending in what could only be described as a death gurgle. Something heavy fell onto the floor, and then a familiar figure in white and black Paladin armor was at Keith's side.

"...Shiro...?"

"Come on, buddy, let's get you out of here."

"...how did you..."

Shiro didn't smile, but there was a fierce light in his eyes as he put one of Keith's arms over his shoulders.

"Bayard. Seems like Black and I can both teleport now. Allura had to get us in range, though - I needed to be close enough to use your location as an anchor point. Otherwise it wouldn't have worked."

Keith's head felt heavy. He couldn't hold it upright for very long. But Shiro was carrying him now, so that was okay.

"...anchor...point...?"

He could hear the distress in his friend's voice when Shiro answered, even though the Black Paladin tried to hide his worry.

"Just - try to think of it as 'space magic'. It's easier that way."

Keith didn't reply. He just closed his eyes again.

"Keith? You still with me?"

When Keith tried to answer, all he could manage was an exhausted, almost inaudible mumble.

"...yeah..."

The worry in Shiro's voice was almost palpable.

"Hang on, okay? I'm getting us to Black."

* * *

They reappeared in the pilot's chair of the Black Lion. Shiro immediately put his Galra hand on one of the controls, sending the Black Lion hurtling across galaxies and back towards the Castle of Lions. He kept his left arm wrapped around Keith's back, supporting his friend's neck. 

There was no way he was letting go of Keith. Not when they'd almost lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If you feel yourself hitting up against your limit, remember for what cause you clench your fists. Remember why you started down this path, and let that memory carry you beyond your limit.” - All Might (from My Hero Academia)
> 
>  
> 
> At a guess, about 95% of what I write is Keith whump. That poor guy.
> 
> I write and post when I can (because I love it!) but kudos and comments always make my day! <3
> 
> I'm on Tumblr under the same username. Feel free to stop by and say hi! :D


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